Helpless

25. Keep it to yourself

Katy's POV

"Why the fuck did you stop?!" John asked angrily.

"What do you mean?!" I screamed standing up.

"It felt so fucking good and you ruined it! What's wrong with you?" He screamed back loudly making me take a step back.

"I'm tired of your stupid games, John!" I yelled as I covered my chest with a jacket to make him stop looking at my boobs. It was disgusting and I felt like he was undressing me just looking at me with so much need in his eyes. I was scared of him. Tears rolled down my face just thinking that he can hurt me. "You don't give a fuck about my feelings!" I wiped away some tears. "Maybe we should just have sex to make you remember, huh? Oh yeah, that's a great idea! Come on! It's not like I'm a human or something. I'm just your toy to play with."

"Kate-"

"Don't fucking Kate me! I'm done. I don't care if you remember or not. Don't try to call me ever again." I hissed and ran to the car. I started my car and looked back at John standing in the middle of the beach before driving away. I was lost. He wasn't the man I fell in love years ago. He was different and it scared the hell out of me. What if he's never going to be the person he used to be? What am I going to do when I will lose him? I can't just kick him out of my world. It's impossible. He's the biggest part of my life and he can't just go away and ruin it. My life is already a big mess because of my career. Don't get me wrong I love what I do but as you probably noticed every my relationship was a failure because of my job. Fame is a bitch. It shows you that you can't have everything. Everyone wants to be with you only because your body or fame and then when they don't need you anymore they just leave breaking your heart. You can be famous but you won't find the love or you can be loved when no one knows you. People ruin my private life. They just want to know everything or they're making this stupid rumors which slowly ruin you. You think that it's over but then they are coming back much stronger and hit you harder. I'm not allowed to be loved in this world because in their eyes I'm not a human being. I just have to make them happy. My happiness doesn't matter. No one cares about me, they only care about themselves and how to make more money on me.

I didn't notice that I was already on my driveway, tears rolling down my makeup free face. I took my car keys and made my way into my house. I laid on my couch and cuddled up to the blanket. Everything I wanted was to end my life. One person appeared in my head who was stopping me. Shannon. I couldn't just leave her. She needed me just as much as I needed her. I took my phone and called her.

"Katy!" She said happily.

"Hi. Can you come over?" I asked.

"I will be there in 5!" She said and hung up making me smile. I was so grateful for her. She was always there for me no matter what.

I turned on the tv waiting for Shannon. I was watching a random movie about teenagers and their problems when I heard my door unlocking. After a minute I felt two small arms around my waist pulling me close to the woman now lying behind me on my couch. I turned around to her body and cuddled up to her chest as she rubbed my back. My salty tears were dropping on her shirt making it wet. She hugged me tightly and kissed my hair.

"What bothers you, Kate?" Shannon asked playing with my hair.

"Everything." I whispered into the crock of her neck. "Like everyone hates me and I can't find a boyfriend who doesn't want only to fuck me." I cried.

"What are you talking about? Everybody loves you and- and you have John!" She said which made me cry more.

"You don't understand, Shannon! I don't have him. He's not m-mine anymore." I couldn't believe I just said it out loud. He's not mine anymore.