A Series Of Events: The Carters

Soul Searching

He woke up to an empty house. Something that he feared would happen one day. After panicking for a while he checked his phone.

Solo: Blue is with me Bey dropped her off & don't ask me about my sister she doesn't want you to know where she is give her some space you owe her that much..

He sighed after he read the text you owe her that much Solange was absolutely right. Him going to where ever in the world she was wasn't going to help any, he learned that the hard way. He tried to go on about his day like he usually would. It wasn't a day he was particularly busy he could make himself busy if he wanted to but he knew he wouldn't be able to focus on anything work related anyway with all that's going on at home. Anything he tried to do to keep his mind busy didn't work. He decided to do what he usually does when he needs to think. Drive around the city aimlessly in his Porsche.

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Somehow driving "aimlessly" brought him to his mom's house. He found her in her living room listening to a Stevie Wonder vinyl.
"Shawn?! Wow what a surprise!"
He smiled "Hey, ma."
"To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"
"I can't just stop by and check on my mom?" He asked.
"Of course you can you know I love seeing you you're so busy these things don't happen often."
"Stevie Wonder huh?"
"Yeah you know I love my 'oldies' as you would call them."
Jay remembers the records his parents would play in the mornings on the weekend they were old but they were good. As a kid he would even find himself rapping to records his mom would play around the house.

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They sat and talked for a while.
"You didn't bring my grand baby or daughter in law with you?" She asked.
He paused before answering her, he was contemplating on whether he should tell her the truth or not. He decided to be honest, not being honest is what got him in this situation in the first place.
"Yeah I kinda woke up to an empty house..."
She looked at her son confused "Oh where'd they go?"
"Well apparently Blue is with Solange and as for Bey, your guess is as good as mine."
"Why wouldn't she tell you where she went?"
"Because she is very very angry with me right now, ma."
"Shawn you didn't..."
He looked back at her with this guilty expression on his face.
She shook her and threw her hands up in a disapproving manner.
He sighed rubbing his temples he hated to see his mother disappointed in him especially with all the things he put her through when he was younger.
"I watched you blossom with that woman Shawn turn into the man and husband that honestly, with your history with women I wasn't sure you would ever be."
He sat and let his mother speak no one would be honest with him like she would and truthfully he needed to hear this.
"Why do you have to be so hard headed and stubborn?!"
"I don't know ma, I messed up I thought I could fix it on my own so I flew to Paris and she told me she didn't want me around, now this .. what if she leaves me?"
"What if she does?"
He deserved that response. She was absolutely right if she does leave him he would deserve it.
"You have to get help son, I watched you do these self destructive things for years" she was on the verge of tears speaking to her son.
"Aw ma, please don't cry."
"Besides music getting you out those streets she's the best thing thats ever happened to you."
"I know that, ma I know."
"So what are you going to do?" She asked.
"Well first off I'm gonna give her the space she needs and I was thinking about going to therapy, at my own will this time" he had to go to therapy once before but that was a mandatory part of his probation.
"I think that's a great idea son if you're open to it, it would benefit you."
Jay hung out at the house for a few more hours then decided it was time for him to go home.
"You don't have to leave son, you know you're always welcome" his mother said as he was heading out. Parents always had a way of knowing when you need them.
"Ma, I'm a grown man I don't need to stay here" he didn't really want to go back to an empty house but he felt he had to still put on a front for his mom.
"Well how about this, I want you to stay the night it would make me feel better."
He thought on it "When you put it that way I can't say no."

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That night he laid restless in one of his mother's guest rooms. He decided to text his wife, even though he was sure she wouldn't answer. She hadn't answered since she disappeared and he must've tried a hundred times. To his surprise a couple minutes after he texted her she replied.

He didn't get an answer back to his 'I love you' text but the fact that she replied to him once was a start. You gotta start somewhere right?

And you know better, nigga, I know you do
But you gotta do better, boy, you owe it to Blue
You had no father, you had the armor
But you got a daughter, gotta get softer
Die Jay Z, this ain't back in the days
You don't need an alibi, Jay Z
Cry Jay Z, we know the pain is real
But you can't heal what you never reveal -"Kill Jay Z"