The Essence Of Love

Speak Lawd

"What part of I can't do this , do yall not understand!" I yell on Facetime. I was in the Starbucks parking lot waiting on Amira.

"OK, but where are you gonna go and what about school?" Mani asks, smacking loudly on her fav sweet chilli Doritos.

"Running away isn't gonna change anything love." Skye adds.

"Well I'M with you boo. I've been ready to get out of Atlanta, it's suffocating me , we need another black Hollywood type of city , 'cause all of us can't fit here!" Elle says. I knew I could count on bae to be on my side.

"There's just too much going on at once! Plus I'm over Spelman and their uppity asses, I'd rather focus on acting and dancing and forget about a damn degree, I just know I need to get out of this city period." I explain.

"I'm with you about Spelman, I almost slapped Tamika Drayton and every bitch in her lil Delta clique the other day at Target,  for looking me up and down. ALL those sorority hoes irk my nerves." Mani says.

"Mine too." Skye agrees.

"Where are you thinking of moving to?" Elle asks.

"I don't know , maybe Miami?" I suggest. Mani made a face and Skye just nodded while wand curling her hair.

"Nah, I think New York or Cali would be better for acting and dancing." Elle says.

"True." We agree.

"Let's back up though, what's going on with mama Talise's funeral arrangements?" Skye asks.

"Uhhh-- I'm still letting daddy and Erick handle that."

"OK , but what if their planning some ugly ass , non color coordinated, ugly casket, small lil ceremony that mama Talise would despise." Mani points out.

"Well that's on them! I'm not going anyways I--"

"Not going?" They all interrupt, and I roll my eyes.

"Come on y'all, don't start--"

"OK fine." Elle says.

"Well I support whatever you want to do boo, but yall know I can't move right now 'cause of granny." Mani adds.

"I understand, I'm going to see if Amira wants to come too." I say.

"Well you know I'm down for whateva, but what is this Amira chick like?" Skye asks.

"Mmm." Mani and Elle grunt.

"She's really cool y'all, calm down." I laugh as my phone indicates I have an incoming call from Erick.

"I'm gonna call yall back , Erick is calling me, and I've been ignoring him and daddy long enough." I say as I switch over.

"Yeeesss?" I sing.

"What the fuck is wrong witchu E?" He fusses.

"Erick don't st--"

"Essence shut up and listen to me for once, I know you always been the one running shit , but right now you actin' real fucked up, and I want my twin back not this rude ass bitch who replaced her." He scowls.

"Erick I--"

"Don't tell me you don't have time for this cause you do and you know what I'm sayin' is right!"

I look at my phone like he lost his damn mind.

"Whatever." I mumble.

"First of all , I wanna tell your hard headed ass that we decided to cremate ma like you wanted , and second you really need to talk to pops. I know he's an ass , but he's trying." He says and I smack my lips.

"You know I'm right big head." He adds.

"When is the cremation?" I ignore his side comment.

"It's already done, if you would've answered my--"

"So yall cremated her without me!" I yell.

"Yea we shol did! Why you always yellin' at somebody? You must need some dick in ya life or somethin man."

"Erick are you done or nah 'cause I have st--"

CLICK

I know he didn't just hang up on me! I called him back but it went straight to voicemail. Forget his ass.

I scroll furiously through my log and call Elle.

"Hey boo." She answers.

"Hey, so I just really need to vent for a second without Mani and Skye." I start.

"I'm listening."

"I—I miss mommy, so so much, like I literally feel like I'm about to die from a panic attack at least 20 times a day, especially after hearing her voice on the phone, like what if shes being tortured? I —I can't do anything about it! And now the Rico situation, like I really thought he was the one , but I can't be with a drug dealer! Then there's Erick is saying I should talk to dad which I know I need to, but I don't even want be in the same room as him right now. Plus all these random numbers are still calling my phone, it could be Torian or mommy or who knows who! I just want to take a bunch of pills and go to sleep I--"

"Whoaaa! Whoaa , the hell? Your talking crazy boo. You need to slow down and take some deep breaths. When is the last time you meditated?"

"Ellllllllle!"

"I'm serious Jhene!" she fussed.

"I guess you are if your calling me Jhene." I mumble.

"I've been praying for you, actually we all have, sometimes you just have to give your problems to a higher source, were only human you know?"

"OK , but praying doesn't make me feel better Elle, after I pray my problems are still gonna be there!" 

"Yea , but you'll still have your higher self working on your behalf in the meantime, look if u wanna sob away and feel sorry for yourself then do that, but just know that that is not who my sister is, she's not weak, she's a strong ass black woman who makes a way out of whatever is thrown at her. I've seen you in action , and you know mama Talise is still with you no matter what, and if she's really still out there,  she will come back to you, you just have to have faith."

"Ok ,ok ,I hear you, but what do I do about Rico? Like was I wrong?" I sniffle.

"If you don't want to be with a drug lord, then don't, but I personally think he's a good guy with his head on straight.He's educated ,he has real talent ,real money,and a big heart. You definitely could've heard him out instead of just leaving him alone like that, especially in his condition." She fusses.

"Things were just moving too fast, I don't think I want to be with anyone at all anymore, I just want to get my shitty life together." I explain.

"And you have the right to, were here for you, and you know I'm down to go when you say go, I have plenty in savings." She says.

"Thats why your number one bae , I love you!"

"I love you more, go talk to Rico, you know you want to!"She urges.

"I don't think he wants to see me, he was pretty pissed."

"That's because you probably broke his heart Essence, how did you think the nigga was gonna react? He clearly loves you". She says

"Nahh , that's crazy,  we literally just met. Like I have feelings for him , but its not love." I reason.

"So! Love has no rules , you need to go get your man. Men like him are hard to find, and you already know this. He was caring for you when you were basically a stranger, so just imagine how he would be as your man. Yall are meant to be, he's probably your twin flame sis." She rambles.

" Whatever you say , I guess I can try to talk to him, but if I get my ass beat ,I'm coming to beat your ass next!"

"Bitch you tried it!" She says and we both bust out laughing.

"Well Amira is coming back, so ill call you later."

"Aight boo, love you."

"Love you too."