Inhabited

Chapter 9

I can't make it to Starbucks right now. Something came up. I'm sorry Lily. I'll make it up to you xx

My heart started racing. I had no clue as to what was going on. I had really wanted to see Harry and was looking forward to seeing him at Starbucks. We could've had a nice chat and gotten to know each other real well. Another prime example of how quick things change.

I drove home with just the radio on. It drowns out everything around me and helps me focus on driving. I whip in the driveway and pull my coat closer to me as I get out and walk in my warm house. I see my mom standing in the kitchen. Thank God she's home and ok.

"Where have you been young lady?" Not what I was expecting from her mouth.

"Well where have you been?"

"Don't talk to me like that! I asked a question now you answer me!" She was so mad. Tears started forming in my eyes.

"Why are you so mad at me?!" I say as I begin to cry.

"Oh don't start crying with me Lily! You do this way too often and it's getting pathetic!"

"How come whenever I come home now all I get is hate, hate, hate. You don't love me anymore!!!"

"That's bullshit Lily Hardwell and you KNOW it!"

"What happened to no cussing? HUH? Dad wouldn't like that would he?"

She paused for a moment like she was trying to find the words to say.

"DON'T TALK ABOUT DAD!"

We both stood in silence and I couldn't take it anymore. The words that flew out of her mouth made me run upstairs and slam my door. I fell back on my bed and started crying so hard. I was letting every emotion I felt come out of me. This pain I have been feeling for months is getting so unbearable and as I lie on my bed and cry my eyes out, I don't know how much longer I can take this.

I hear a knock at my door and the sound of my mom's voice plays through the other side.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure."

I try to collect myself and sit up on my bed. My mom comes in and sits beside me on my bed. We both face the same direction, just staring at the wall for a moment before the silence is broken.

"Lily, listen to me. You know the stuff I've been saying to you...I don't mean it. You're my only daughter and now my only child and I don't even wanna lose you. If I did I don't think I'd be able to survive. You mean so much to me."

Her words hit my heart. This has been the first time in a long time she's spoken to me with such tenderness and
sincerity. It makes more tears swell in my eyes.

"Mom?"

"Yeah sweetie?"

"Why can't we talk about dad?"

Her eye trail from me back over to the wall. She blankly stares at it for a minute like she was trying to find the words to say.

"I feel like I'm responsible for everything that happened that morning."

My heart sinks to my stomach. What does she mean by this? She continues what she left off with.

"I was on my way to work that morning. I was on the phone with your dad-I called him just to tell him something important I didn't want him to forget. I then heard screaming on the other end and that's when it all went silent. I heard no more from him. He got in an accident. He didn't see a car when he changed lanes going 70mph on the freeway...he hit the car and it spiraled out of control."

The words hit me like knives. Picturing all this in my head feels like I've received a major concussion. My head started to hurt; my stomach began to churn.

"Please don't think it is all your fault. Just cause you were on the phone with him doesn't mean you should take full responsibility. He should've seen the car!"

Silence engulfed the room but she worked up strength to reply.

"I know. It is just that whenever I think about it or pick up my phone I think about how it could've waited."

My curiosity sprung again.

"What was so important that you had to tell him?"

She closed her eyes and I saw tears roll down her cheeks. She put her hand over her mouth for a moment then spoke again.

"To remember to love you."

My mouth dropped. My stomach dropped. My heart sank to the floor.

"To l-love me?"

My eyes began to be soaked with tears. My cheeks stained with makeup mixed with tears.

"Yes." She silently replied. More tears appearing in her eyes. "I saw how upset you were that morning. I realized you guys barely talked anymore and I began to see what little bit of attention he showed you. I could tell you were in so much pain still from losing your brother. I couldn't take it anymore and I told him that he still has a child...his only child...and she needs attention more than anything. I told him to unconditionally love you forever."

At this point we were both sobbing. There was nothing holding us back.

"What did dad say?" I ask, my voice shaky.

"He said he loves you more than anything in this world and is so stressed about things that he forgets to show you his love for you sometimes."

We both laid down on my bed and cried more. We talked about all the good family memories and laughed. For the first time in months I've felt a warm, loving feeling for my mom that I thought I'd never get back. I haven't felt this feeling in a while but it was good to feel it.