❝Dangerous❞ » The Joker (IN DEEP EDITING AS OF APRIL 2024 CHANGES ARE HERE!!)

Chapter 54: jason

Alexis

It's been a few days since I've been staying at Jason's house, every time J called my phone Jason would answer and they would start arguing again. It got tiring and I took the phone away from him, hiding it somewhere in the room I was staying in. I couldn't help but start to feel guilty, the overwhelming feeling washed over me and hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt responsible for all of this and it was all my fault J was acting so crazy or maybe I'm acting too crazy myself... I don't know.

It was around two in the morning, I couldn't sleep and I watched boring late night tv shows that no one ever pays attention to. I was distracted, zoned out and my mind wandered to deeper, darker thoughts until a light tap on the window snapped me out of it. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see it open slowly and a glimpse of green flash by. I jumped up, opening my mouth to scream and he quickly covered my mouth soon shushing me then took his hand away.

"Baby, I." He started to say but I shook my head, stopping him for whatever big apology he came up with this time.
"Please leave." I breathe out, my heart was screaming at me to hug him and never let go but my head was telling me to end things, shove him out the window and never see him again. I was stuck between the two, do I forgive the love of my life or do I end it?

"I'm not leaving until you hear me out, you know I'll never hurt you baby. I fucking love you and sometimes I just lose it, get grumpy and always take it out on you when you try to help me. I'm trying here, Alexis. You know how hard it is for a insane criminal to be all lovey and kind?" J reached out for me again and this time, I let him. Melting under his touch as he cupped one of my cheeks, rubbing his thumb over my skin gently.

His eyebrows furrowed, so concentrated on my face and him being careful. He would glance down at my lips then back up at my eyes.
"I love you, Alexis. We've been through so much for more than a year and I just don't want you to hate me forever and leave." J frowned, wrapping his arms around me and pulled me into his embrace. Once again, I melted and held him as close as I can. Tears stung my eyes and I felt like this moment was going to be ripped away any second.

"I hate myself for doing this." I spoke up, watching him furrow his eyebrows in confusion and opened his mouth to say something but shut it, staying quiet.
"I hate that I can never let you go, no mater how much you hurt me. I hate how I still love you even after you verbally abuse me. I hate how I always want your hugs, kisses and just being clingy. I hate the way you just don't give a shit. I hate when you act like I'm not there. I hate when you act like you don't need me. Act like you don't care or love me. Then when I leave you suddenly fucking care?!" My anger started to spill and I shoved him back by his chest a few times and he let me.

"Why do you fucking care about your ego more than you care about me?! Why do you fucking hurt me over and over then beg for my forgiveness? Why? What the actual fuck is wrong with you! All I want is for us to be happy. You can be the insane damn clown you are but why do you have to take your anger out on me? Your girlfriend!" I shove him again, tears running down my bright red cheeks and I can see the hurt in his eyes, the pain and the regret of hurting me.

"Why do you keep coming back?" My voice cracked, my balled up fist against his chest as I let out a quiet sob. All he did was hug me again, he didn't know what to do or say but hug me close to his body. I know he doesn't exactly know how to comfort me. How to comfort any woman in pain. He was new to all of this. To our so called relationship. And that's what hurt the most, how he didn't know how to love or care for me. How to express feelings.

J pulled back, caressing my cheeks and smashed his lips against mine more passionate than rough, like he usually does. I couldn't help but kisses him back and that's why I hated myself. I couldn't resist. I couldn't push him away and say no. All I ever want is him to be close to me and show his emotions.