I have been struggling a lot. I don't know what to do with my nightmares. I can't have Rafael touch me often or else it becomes to much. I can't be in public because I feel like everyone knows.
We swore never to talk about that baby again. I never wanted to relive that day.
We moved into our new place and are almost all unpacked. It's nice but we are going to take a break because we are going to Hawaii soon. I'm excited for that. I go back to work after we come back. So does Rafael.
"Hey Cole?" Rafael knocked on our door.
"Yes?" I smiled a bit.
"What's with the smile?" He smiled a little.
"I just love the fact that this is our place. Not mine, or yours, but ours," I smiled.
"I love that too. It's nice. I like the place too. It's roomy and we have enough space for kids," he kissed my head. I kept my mouth shut because I'm not sure about that anymore.
"Yeah. So what did you want to tell me, or ask me?" I bit my lip.
"So there's a Christmas party tomorrow with the squad and we are invited. I was wondering if you wanted to go. I mean I'm going," he wouldn't look at me.
I really don't want to go. I mean they all know what happened to me. They know very detail and have seen every picture.
"Yeah I would love to," I faked a smile. Please tell me it's okay, and you want me to stay home.
"Good I'm glad."
"It's going to be fun," I leaned into him. He wrapped his arms around me.
"How are you doing?" He rubbed my back.
"I'm getting through it. It's hard but I'm pushing through."
"I'm here if you need me. Always Tesoro. Is therapy helping at all?"
"It is, but it isn't. Sometimes I don't talk and other times I pour my heart out to her. It's like we have a romantic relationship." I chuckled. Him holding onto me was getting to be too much.
It was like the way his dad held me while he was sleeping.
It's my first night here and he hasn't done his worst yet, which scares me. I don't know what else he's capable of. I mean I can imagine but I don't want to. Who wants to imagine what will be done to them?
He won't let me go. He won't let me go back to my room and sleep. He wants me here with him. He has his arms wrapped around me tightly. I'm like his safety blanket or something. It's creepy. I can feel his breath on the back of my neck. It was so warm that it started producing sweat on the back of my neck.
I shook my head and got out of his grasp.
"What time is it at?" I tied up my hair.
"Eight. Ugly Christmas sweaters are welcome but I don't know how many people own one," he chuckled.
"That's a good point," I forced a laugh.
