LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 1

What am I?

By vintagedjh / Ellie

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It all started in the summer of 2015 (age 12) when I had finally come to terms with the fact that I was attracted to girls. But I didn't have a clue about boys. I guess I have been in relationships with boys in the past but I was 10 and I had "crushes" on them so my friends thought I was cool.

So of course, being me, I came out to quite a few close friends and within a week, the WHOLE SCHOOL KNEW! Most of them also knew of my crush on a pretty blonde girl in my class (we are now mortal enemies and completely despise of each other). And I live in the UK, so depending where you live, LGBTQ+ can be either accepted or shunned upon, however it's mostly accepted. I, luckily, live in an area where I was accepted for who I was and continued on with my life.

But now I've come to a stop, what's my sexuality??

I haven't ever liked a boy in a romantic way seriously. I mean who's primary school relationships where actually serious, exactly. So I went to a few close friends they (sadly) didn't help at all, but I appreciate their help a lot! And since my first crush on a female fizzled away, I have been through a couple same sex relationships. I definitely realise I like girls, but my opinions on boys have been very fuzzy.

Even though I am currently in a relationship with a girl (as of 31st of July 2016) I have had a growing crush on a girl who has no clue I am madly in love with her. I am scared for her to find out as we are extremely close friends and I'm even second guessing my self writing this, but I'm gonna do it anyway.

I still don't know my sexuality, or gender for that matter. However I have slowly seemed to accept that, we are people, not objects. We can accept ourselves without having to know who we are. Even though I am someone who would like something to identify myself as, I can live with the fact that I'm never 100% going to know who I am.

So my name is Ellie, I don't know my sexuality, I don't know my gender, but I am happy.