LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 1

Discovering Me

By GamersAreLit

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14 years. Well, 14 years and 10 days. That's how long it took me to fully be me.

It all started on March 12, 2016. That was the first day that I had the feeling lifted off of my shoulders. But I'm going to back track first.

While going into my Grade 8 year at my junior high, my friends "dragged" me to a GSA meeting held weekly. That was when I first found the meaning to pansexual.

I always knew I was different. While everyone else was crushing on boys, I felt a stronger connection to the female kind. To me, males were still someone I could see has having a relationship with, but my first preference was (and still is) females.

Fast forward to Grade 7, where my crush for basically most of the year was a transgender F-M. I got confused about that, I though that there was no title to describe me by. I thought I was an anomaly and I would be bullied for it. Not a very happy time or me.

So when I googled what pansexual was and found the definition, it was like the puzzle pieces of my life fit together. Well, except for one.

Before I continue on, I'll talk about March 12, band concert day. We had just gotten back from the concert where my close friend was constantly asking who my crush was. I kinda hinted towards my non-straightness and she eventually guessed that I was Bi. I told her that I was actually Pan and, well, I broke down. I cried for so long and everyone was asking what happened and was I okay while the friend I told was rubbing my back, telling me it's going to be fine.

I went home that day and had to come up with a lie to my parents about what happened. They had told me that they thought that people shouldn't classify themselves as not straight until they've dated the same gender (they're absolutely wrong) and I haven't dated anyone. So it remains a secret.

Now, remember that one puzzle piece that hadn't been connected in my life? I'm going to talk about that now.

June 15, 2016. Agender pride day. The day before, I had told my friends that I had something to talk about with them. That something, was my gender.

I never felt comfortable when someone took one look at me and just assumed everything about me. I never liked it when someone just said I was a girl (of course, there's nothing wrong as classifying as female, I just didn't like it when I was cause it just wasn't me).

And so, with the help of the GSA club in my school and Google, the last puzzle piece of my life fit together. I was Agender.

So without even planing it, I came out as Agender to my friends on Agender pride day. Weird coincidence, huh?

To this day, my parents know thing about it. They don't know I'm Pan or Agender. I should probably tell them, but the thought terrifies me. So it remains a secret, for now.

Oh, and one more thing. This might just blow your mind but what do I know?

I came out as Agender on June 15, which was Agender pride day.

My birthday is June 5, Pansexual pride day.

I'll just let that sit there in your mind.