Win

1.1K 108 8

by lgbtq

Dedicated to prosecastinator

by lgbtq

By Lawrencejoel

Dear LGBTQ+,

Hai! Uhm, you can call me be my username, Lawrencejoel. I don't really know if I can consider this as a milestone, because I'm about to tell you my very first gay relationship. Which also became my first heart break.

As you all know by (no pun intended) that I'm gay. A proud gay at that. I met him when I started my college life. He is beautiful. As a man can be. I won't give you names because it still hurts me whenever I say his name. Hell, I still feel that pang in my chest on the mere thought of him. I was raised as the 'perfect religious son' so imagine my freaked out facade when I realized that I am INDEED gay. Although, I accepted that I'm a little bit different growing up, I never realized that I'll come out as a gay in the worst way possible.

My relationship with him was (still not used referring him in the past tense) beautiful. It was the kind of love I'm willing to repeat. Despite being labeled as a sinful kind of relationship. Yes, my mom called me an actual abomination. I was so in loved with him. And he was so in loved with me. We're perfect. Too perfect to be true.

Loving him is the most beautiful thing that had ever happened to me. He was the one who made me realize who I am. He was the one who introduced me to the beauties and shenanigans of life. He was the reason why I finally came out as gay. He was made experienced many first in my life. First kiss. First handjob (it was terrible lol). First BJ. First date. First cigarette. First beer. Loving him completely razed me, the perfect religious boy, and rebuild me into someone who knows how to live every moment of my everyday. He just didn't show me how to love. He showed me how to live.

And for that I'm thankful.

I'm still hurting. Yeah, I definitely am. But isn't it just normal. I loved him truly and completely with all that I am, was and will. Even if he is the reason why I am not with my parents right now, I don't regret loving him.

I won't regret any second of my life that I spent with him. He was all worth it. Loving him is a sin. He was my own personal sin. And if I would be even have the chance to repeat that sin, I will repeat it boldly, tenderly, completely with the same love. Over and over again.

With rainbows,unicorns and glitters,

P.S. I'm from the Philippines. <3 <3 :]