LGBTQIAP+ Milestones: Book 1

Questioning Me

By  Anonymous

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I've always noticed one thing. On the Internet, talking to family, listening to strangers reprimand their children. We are not important. Because until you are 18, you are still a child. And a child is supposed to learn and observe and keep their mouth shut so that the adults can make the important decisions. And I've noticed this because one day I watched a coming out video by Ingrid Nilsen, a famous YouTuber. You might not know her, but I can tell you she is an avid supporter of the LGBTQ+ community. I felt very empowered by her video, as I usually do when I watch coming out videos, so I decided to read the comments underneath her video to see what other people thought. And I can vividly remember one comment that went something along these lines: "Hey guys. I am a 12 year old supporter of the LGBTQ+ community and this video has really inspired me. I guess I am now coming out to the Internet as gay. I can not thank Ingrid enough for helping me conquer my fears. Thanks so much!" When I read this comment my heart filled with joy for this YouTuber, but the joy was soon banished by the replies I read next. There were things like, "Congratulations," or, "I'm so happy for you!" But there were also things like, "Grow up. Your just a kid," and, "wait until your older to decide your sexuality. Kids don't even fall in love anyway." These replies broke my heart because not only did they affect the kid online, but they affected me, and my friend, and her brother and every other child in the whole entire world. Because this was where our thoughts and our hopes were banished. We were "reprimanded" into thinking that we should wait. That we had no say in our lives until we were adults. So welcome, anyone who is reading this. This is my story.

I guess you could say it all started with Ingrid's video. After that I started to question my sexuality, and which gender I was attracted to. I started watching lesbian porn on YouTube and started reading GirlXGirl books, and this made me question who I really was and am. For example I always had, and still have, a desire to have lesbian sex. But in my everyday life, I am not attracted to women or girls. I've only had one crush in my lifetime and that was a boy, but we have now parted ways. I began to get nervous and self conscious about my sexuality, so I discreetly brought up the top of LGBTQ+ with my family and friends. They all seemed comfortable with the subject and that put me at ease. So now I don't know what or who I really am.

I do know who I fall in love with though. I fall in love with a mind. And for me I don't know who's mind it is. Because I believe that you can't just fall in love with someone because they're hot. You have to fall in love with someone because you appreciate, value and love their mind and heart. So that's why in my opinion, there is no such thing as love at first sight, because how can you love someone if you haven't even seen and loved their mind and heart and soul. So thanks ladies and gentleman and anybody else, that is my story.

So hello everyone. I am a 12 year old girl supporter of the LGBTQ+ community. And I am questioning. And please do not tell me what or who I am, because I am very sure that I can choose my sexuality and I can choose who I'm attracted to and I can choose my gender; I can even love a person. And do not tell me that because I am a child I can't experience love, because that is a wrong statement. And do you know what makes humans so different from other animals, we have brains that can hold a million thoughts, and hearts that can express a million emotions. So I'm sorry for being myself and expressing my emotions, because just like you I am a human being. And that will never change.