The Girl with Scarlet Wrists [Rewriting]

The Girl with Scarlet Wrists Chapter 28

Chapter 28:

I have something completely horrible to admit.

Being away from Chase hasn't bothered me as much as it should. I don't know if it has anything to do with the amount of work I have to do from training that Lola and I are slowly combing through and organizing for me to do.

Maybe I need time to ....grow up. 
I mean I thought I loved him right? Maybe it was just a high school thing.

But if it was just a highschool thing then why arn't I comfortable with dating other people and letting him go?

 Just thinking about this makes me want to cut. To feel the tingle on my scalp and the blade across my skin. 

I sucked in a breath touching the scared puckered skin on my arm savoring the memories of those once deliciously painful moments.

Snap out of it Layla.

I took a few deep breaths and continued solving equations. 

Ii turned the page and a sharp pain shot across my finger. 

I pressed it to my lips and then extended it to examine it.

A line of blood bubbled up frm the paper clip.

My heart started to race and my palms got really moist.

Is it hot in here or is it just me? I can't take it I need to cut.

I ran to the bathroom searching for the razor blade. I ran over to the sink were I kept a hidden cartrage of blades. 

A yellow post-it note was stuck to the top.

Nice try Larissa ~Jane

Dammit! 

I shook the empty cartridge chucking it on the floor where it clattered depressingly.

I raced down the stairs nearly falling in desperation to get to the kitchen. I opened the junk drawer to find the scissors or at least a box blade. Another yellow sticky note.

Are you really going to give up everything?

I pulled at my hair screeching around like a rabbit trapped in a box.

I looked for anything but there was stupid ass stickynotes everywhere, it's like they were following me.

I started to twitch strangely before falling to the floor in a mixture of hysteria and tears.

There were voices. They had faces, faces of my family.

My dad: "He's bad for you Larissa."

My brother: "Stop it Larissa you know better."

My mother: "Keep your will."

Marissa & Rick: "Your faith is stronger then your temptation"

Jane: "You know I believe in you stop wasting your life."

Chase: "You gave up." 

I came out of the hallucination kicking and screaming. There was no one around though. No one. I'm completely alone.

 I don't know what to do all I do know is that I need something.

I wish I were dead already. Or never born.

I'm indecisive.