5sos preferences

Tour Bus Fight pt.1

Writer: foreverafangirl11

Source: Tumblr

~

I knew dating a rockstar wasn't going to be easy. Calum was a unique one. I've never been in a serious relationship before and I know that this, what Calum and I have, definitely constitutes as serious. The moment I laid my eyes on him in that record shop, I knew I was a goner. I mean who can resist those chocolate brown eyes and those little curls that fell across his forehead and the way he could make you feel so safe just by his touch...
Fuck. I've never been good at this whole "love" thing before. I mean he's the first guy I've ever fallen for and in our 1 and a half years of dating, I know that he feels the same way but I just can't help it.
I'm scared.
I don't want to mess things up with Calum. He's the only thing that I look forward to after a long day at school. He's the only person I want to explore the world with. He's the only one I want to touch, kiss, and cuddle with at night.
That's my hopeless romantic side talking.
My logical, realistic side is telling me that happy endings don't exist. That fairy tales are a bunch of lies and that love isn't real.
I want to be with Calum but I know that whatever we have is going to have to end soon because that's just the way things go...right?
So that's why I'm sitting alone in this coffee shop just down the street of the arena the boys were performing in tonight. I took a week off work so that I could visit Calum and tell him what I've been feeling but it's difficult when you can't even articulate the words you want to say without breaking someone's heart.
I need to let go of him so that I won't get hurt. I've suffered too much pain to go through it all again. I sound selfish I know. But I'm doing this for him too. When I'm gone, he can be with someone who knows and experiences his lifestyle too. Maybe meet another celebrity or a model. But this life I have with Calum is bound to dissipate and I can't go through that pain. I can't.
He's been ringing my phone and sending me texts along with the rest of the boys wondering where I am since I left in the morning and haven't been heard of since. I need time to collect my thoughts before I see him.
As the sun shone through the window painting a fluorescent white light against the faces of the civilians walking by, I saw him. I knew that face from a mile away.
Dammit. I should have known he would come looking for me. Although he may seem like he's an easygoing guy, I knew he worried a lot. About me specifically. Which just makes what I'm about to do even harder.
As I met his eyes through the window, I could see the relief flood in as he made his way through the door and in front of me.
"Seriously?!" He all but yelled in the relatively quiet coffee shop. "Running away in a foreign city y/n! Are you crazy?!"
"Calum, calm down I-" But of course he wouldn't let me finish.
"I called you a dozen times at least along with the boys. Why didn't you answer?" He softened his voice looking directly into my eyes. "I was so fuckin worried that something may have happened to you y/n. Why would you scare me like that?"
I sighed playing with the rim of my coffee cup not daring to meet his eyes just yet.
"Doll." He gently spoke. "Please look at me." He sat down in front of me grabbing my hand forcing me to look at him.
"I'm sorry Cal I really am but I just needed to get away for a bit." I muttered. Fuck me I hate this I absolutely hate this.
"What happened?" He questioned, gently rubbing his thumb across my hand. "Is something wrong?"
I let go of his hand and I can't deny the aching pain in my chest when I saw the hurt cross his eyes. I was always a hand holder with him. My cold hands meeting his always warm ones was a perfect contrast. I knew he pretended to act like he was annoyed with my constantly "cold blooded nature" but I could see the fondness in his eyes every time I held his hand, knowing that he could always warm me up just by his touch.
"Baby." He spoke snapping me out of my thoughts. "Hey lets go back to the arena okay? We can talk there." He carefully spoke as if raising his voice would trigger and unleash a fury within me.
But I wasn't mad. Far from it actually. I knew we couldn't have this conversation here so I nodded my head and got up, making my way out the door without so much of a glance back at Calum.
The walk back was brutal. We were always touching each other. Whether it was his arm around my waist and hand in my back pocket, or my hands around his arm tracing his tattoos and clinging onto him like a koala bear. But I kept my distance. Touching him would only make what I'm about to do even more difficult.
As we came near the arena I felt Calum's hand grip mine tightly, interlacing our fingers together while pulling me away and into the tour bus that was parked just outside the exit. He led me in and sat me down on the couch making sure the boys weren't there.
"Okay." He started. "Tell me what's going on please?" He pleaded taking a seat beside me but keeping his distance since I rejected his last attempt to touch me.
"And I don't want to hear any bullshit of how you're fine or that it's nothing okay? I know you better than anyone baby so just tell me the truth?" I looked over at him and saw his eyes, wide with concern and confusion.
Well here goes nothing.
"I love you, you know that right?" I raised my eyes up towards him meeting his gaze. He looked confused but still replied, "Yeah doll of course I know that. And I love you too. Why-"
"Which is why I need to let you go." I interrupted. His whole body tensed at that sentence. I almost didn't see it as I looked down at my hands.
"This was never going to work in the first place right? I mean you're a fuckin rockstar and I'm just, well me. Hold on just listen to me for a second okay?" He was about to say something but I knew the comforting words that were about to come out of his mouth would make me stay in a heartbeat. And I had to leave.
"You deserve better Calum. You're the literal representation of perfection while I'm just a walking skeleton of stress and anxiety. I don't want to get hurt Cal. I don't think I would be able to handle it." I mumbled, still not looking at him. But I could feel his eyes trained on me and watching my every movement.
"So that's why I booked a flight back home. My bags are already packed and waiting in a car." I finally looked at him and the tears that were forming in his eyes shattered my heart completely.
"I know you'll be perfectly fine without me Cal. I know." I smiled a little while I got up from the couch. He stood up too and quickly wrapped his arms around me, nestling his head in the crook of my neck. And I could feel his heart being ripped in half.
I hugged back, squeezing him tight before I let go cupping his cheeks with my hands. "No." He whispered. "I can't just let you go y/n. Not after this long of being together. I know you're scared baby but I would never hurt you okay? Fuck I can't just go back to life without you because that life doesn't exist for me anymore. I met you and my whole world changed for the better. Things are better if you stay. You're the only constant thing I see in my future." The first tear fell as he all but begged for me to listen to him.
But I made up my mind.
"Cal." I croaked out, the lump in my throat clearly present. "Let me go okay? It'll all be okay. I promise." I brokenly spoke, my voice wavering at the emotional toll this was taking on us both. I finally mustered up the courage to let go and walk away from him.
I walked out of the tour bus casting one last glance at the boy whose life I completely tore apart. He looked so lost and so vulnerable. But this was for the best. It had to be. And as I made my way to the car that was about to take me miles away from him, I couldn't help but think of all the memories of us. I closed my eyes trying to stop the tears from falling out.
Maybe he was my happy ending.
Or maybe not.