5sos preferences

Hit pt.4

 I'd like to clarify that anything that's in italics is Y/N, no matter what. Regular text is either calum or beth, but it's most likely going to be calum. I'd tell you who it is anyways so. Anyways...

~

"Hey, it's Calum calling. Again. But I just wanted to tell you that. <sigh> I love you Y/N. What I did to you was a stupid mistake. I took your beautiful soul for granted, and I didn't realize how much I need you until you left. Beth's not pregnant. She lied so I could stay with her. She claimed that I was the only thing left. But who's there for you? I guess she knows how you feel now. I kind of do too now. I don't have anyone to turn to because this is all my fault. God, I love you so much it fucking hurts. The other day I almost downed a bottle of pills because you're not here. I miss you. I want to hold you. Last month I was looking at wedding rings. I was going to propose to you the night Beth and I "started". I was drinking, and she was lonely. And she convinced me in my drunken state to sleep with her. That, I blame her for taking advantage of me. But everything after that is purely my fault. The ring is still in my jacket pocket. It's absolutely beautiful. Like you. That's why I got it. I know I'll never be the one saying 'I do' to you because you hate me. You'll never let me back in. And even if you do, I know you'd never want to marry a low like scum bag like me. I just can't see why I hurt you so much. This is the last you'll here of me. I know you don't want to hear my annoying voice again. But if you need to talk to me or to someone in general, I'm always open. I'll let you come to me on your own terms instead of me coming back to you unwanted. I love you."

I listen as I best I could to the voice mail, tears streaming down my face. I love him still. I wan to get with him again. But who will ever love an ugly girl like me? Beth is so pretty, smart, she's perfect. And then here I am. I know Calum means every word he says about me. He loves me and thinks I'm the most beautiful girl ever. But my heart doesn't let me feel it. I know he mean it, but it doesn't feel like he does. I listen carefully and try to hear the message, but it's to heard to hear over the train heading full speed right at me.