Not Ready

≈Chapter XXIII :

~Los Angeles,

-ONE DAY EARLIER-

•10/08  {Thursday, 11:38 A.M} 

~*~ Docia ~*~ 

"Well, I hope that you talked about everything you wanted to." 

"Yes, thanks for listening Dr.Khimona. See you next week ? "

I nodded smiling politely at Mr.Brown as we were walking towards the door, "Right. Next Thursday, same hour. And don't forget what I said, open up more with your family, communication is the key to successful relationships."

"Yes, I will. Bye, have a nice day." 

"Bye." 

I was so glad to be done for the day, like a student would be with a school day. Since the morning all I was thinking about was me leaving this building to go and do something else, something funnier for me. More the days were passing by and more I was disinterested into this job, to be honest. I already felt that feeling before, but it seemed like it was getting stronger and stronger these past few days. I'd been doing this for years and now it was maybe time for me to do something else.

But what ? 

I was in my early thirties, so what was out there for me ? Wasn't it too late for me to start something new ? I couldn't live off my savings for the rest of my life, so I had to keep working for a couple more years. Plus, since I still wanted to adopt a child, even if I wasn't ready just yet, I'll need money to take care of the kid. 

I didn't know what I was going to do, but I'll eventually find something to do. 

It wasn't just a caprice, I'd been thinking about it for a few months and now it was becoming so insupportable to come to work. It was becoming a burden more than anything else. I didn't like to step a feet in my office anymore. It was annoying like hell to see my assistant's face now. Not seeing her meant happiness to me, because I was used to see her only at my job. She was kind of a remind that I was really in this building, about to listen to people and all that. Being in my office felt like being locked up in prison. I wasn't paying that much attention to my clients' stories as before. 

I was done being a therapist. 

I needed something else.

I still had this hole in my heart, something was still missing in my life. When Dorian walked in though, he represented a challenge to me. He wasn't like any other of my patients. With my other patients I just had to ask them how they were feeling and they would talk immediately. It wasn't hard for them to open up, because first and for all they knew they needed to and wanted to talk to someone. But with Dorian, it was a whole and different story. He was a complicated individual and I had to find another way to be good at my job. The question ''How are you feeling ? '' wasn't good enough. I needed and had to approach him in a different manner. 

I tried and it only led me to have that unprofessional relation with him. Were we friends now ? I'd been wondering this for a few days. 

But anyways, him being a challenge wasn't enough to bring my passion back at all. I thought for a moment that maybe it worked, but it didn't. I was bored now and felt like my life was so incomplete. I really needed to find another passion. 

But was therapy really my passion though ? 

I did it because I knew I was good as a listener and to give advice. I felt like it was my destiny. But now, a couple of years later, I was questioning a lot myself. I felt like maybe I took the wrong decision and maybe ruined my whole life with it.