After seven years in prison and a lot of thoughts, Dorian is impatient to start a new life with new goals, new dreams, a new motivation and a total new perspective of the world. He wants to change for the best, but it's not that easy.
Oh yeah...He...
It felt weird to be there, but I had to do it. I had to be there. I should've came sooner anyways. I should have came multiple times already, but I was acting like a coward and never came to visit her. I felt like the most miserable child on Earth. How could I be so selfish and cruel ? It wouldn't even have taken too much of my time. That's such a shame.
Was she mad at me for that ?
I took a deep breath as I was listening to Hello by Adele, that was playing on the radio. The song was putting me in a depressing mood and making me feel more guilty. I finally stopped the engine, after a long moment of hesitation. Should I go or not ? I was scared for some reason. It was a place where I didn't want to be, but I had to do it. It will help me to have another closure and so to move forward with my life. I needed to do it to forgive myself too.
I looked at the flowers on the backseat and almost grabbed the wheel to get the fuck away from here, but I refrained myself to do so. I couldn't go back now, I had to do it. I wouldn't forgive myself if I don't do it.
I took another and longer deep breath and looked up at the sky, "You can do it." I encouraged myself before to slowly open the door. My hand was shaking and I felt like I was about to throw up. My heart was beating too fast for my liking. I wanted to close that door and leave, but I couldn't do that. I had to go there and say hello. I had to talk with her and apologize for everything. We had to make amends some way.
Will she be happy to see me ?
I'm her son after all, so why not ? I stood up, still moving slowly and completely got out of the car. I went to the passenger seat and took the bouquet of white and pink lotus flowers. It looked like a wedding bouquet, but I didn't care. She deserved the best anyways.
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I locked the doors and walked to the entry. I stood there, motionless, taking in my new whereabouts. The day being so bright and beautiful was helping a lot to make it a bit easier to do. There were some clouds, but for most part the sky was cleared and the color blue was magnificent. The sun was actually giving it more beauty. The birds were singing and flying, enjoying their day. At some moments, I could feel a little and comfortable breeze caressing my skin, what was calming me somewhat.
I sighed and walked to my final destination. Once I was there, I could feel the water coming to my eyes, but I didn't let them cry. I did enough yesterday night, when I started to think about her and all the memories we had together. From my childhood to my adulthood, she was there for me the best way she could do it.
I bent down and delicately placed the flowers on her tomb. It still seemed unreal to me, but she was indeed dead and was buried in this cemetery a couple of months ago. I was there and saw her going underground. But for some reason, it still seemed like it never happened.
