Unbreakable - A Beautiful Lie · (Roswell Fanfiction) · √

FORTY-FOUR

I'll pick you up tonight.
I'll let you know when I'm outside.
- Max

So, he had finally gotten hold of my number. Or maybe he'd had it this whole time. And now, with his text, I finally had his number. It was really a wonder that we had gone this long without exchanging numbers. But maybe that was just part of Max's 'cover' or whatever. He wasn't really supposed to know me all that well, so why would he have my number in his phone?

I stared at the message, nervousness striking through me like hot lightning. He was serious. He had been serious.

He intended to have sex with me. Tonight.

Of course, I had to break down the message and analyze the meaning of every word, every letter. But there wasn't much to analyze. His text message was straight to the point and very factual.

I had gotten used to Max's ever-changing moods, so our heated exchange earlier didn't really surprise me. But still, I was worried that he was still angry. My worst fear was that he was going along with this just to spite me; shut me up or something. Or that he was just saying what he thought I wanted to hear in the heat of the moment. That he wasn't agreeing to do this because he wanted to, but out of some type of obligation.

Dark doubt was clawing at my heart and the further the day proceeded, the worse I felt. My insides were curled up so tightly that I felt like throwing up. My lack of appetite these last couple of weeks was making my body almost succumb under the extra strain of my emotions.

I had trouble concentrating and giving concrete answers when Maria drilled me for information after lunch. I had, after all, announced that I was in love with Sean and she wanted an explanation. She also wanted to explain that Sean hadn't tried to help me in that boys' locker room, but had tried to force me into doing things I hadn't necessarily consented to.

My answers were vague, mumbled behind the shadow of a hand pressed to my head, feigning a headache to get her to back off. I didn't have to fake the nausea or the fatigue, though. They were very much real.

By the end of the day, a large majority of my nails were bitten down to the quick, my jaw was aching from me subconsciously clenching it, and I felt like I had entered menopause as my body flushed while my mind wandered to Max's body - a naked body - only to a second later chill as my insecurities took over and nausea became prevalent again.

Who made an appointment to have sex anyway?

I had never understood those people who would voluntarily decide to lose their virginity on prom night. A fixed date. Several weeks - months even - knowing what was going to happen on that exact night.

Turning sex into a date on the calendar was a stupid idea. Stupid stupid. So much time to worry and fret, get nervous, insecure, feeling awkward, embarrassed mortified and scared.

Mostly scared.

I was experiencing all the natural human fears a girl might have about losing her virginity. Would it hurt? Was I ready to show myself naked and let him touch me, perhaps in ways I hadn't even touched myself? Would I be enough? Would he be disappointed? How would (could) I satisfy him?

But I was also plagued by unnatural human fears. Because I was about to have sex with an alien. Would we be compatible (well, it had worked for Max's parents, so...)? Could I catch something from him? Could he catch something from me? Would anything weird happen during the act? Powers going haywire?

Maria interrupted my semi-nervous mental breakdown by coming up behind me as I was walking out of the school building and hooking our arms together.