Insecurity (Edited)

Chapter 46: Weakling, is what I am.

(Rebecca)

Its been almost 5 days. 5 days since that tragic night. 5 days since I've been found and saved in the last minute. 5 days since I last talked to anyone. 5 days since I left my room. That's right, I didn't set foot out of my room for the past 5 days, soon to be 6th if I become stubborn enough to myself. I heard my mother and my brother's voices outside along with their partners-spouses. My nephew, James, came to New York for the second time in his entire life and he's been knocking on my door, "Beca, can you come out please ?", "Beca please come out.", "Beca I have something to make you feel better.", he pleads for me to get out but the moment I hear his little knuckles hit my door I just cry softly because I can't go out to face the little boy or my brothers or my mother or my sisters-in-law. I spent so much time crying for the past 5 days, I would sleep and wake up many times, the tears I've shed for the past 5 days could be enough to quench Africa's thirst. I've been getting allot of texts and I didn't open a single one, Kate has been sending me messages too, I only responded to her telling her to take care of everything not as a secretary but as a CEO, to think like one, act like one, I might just as well partner up with her and make this company a 2-CEO-running.

I was under the shower now for the 10 time this week. Scott, Daniel, and Lance might have not had the chance to do anything beyond limits but I felt so violated and so dirty. I was disgusted from myself. I just sat under the warm water and let my body cool down. Think like a psychiatrist Rebecca, you will not turn to cutting, overdosing, or drinking. I kept telling myself that sentence for the past 5 days too, I'm not a teenager or some girl who is in her early 20's, 24 means maturity for me.

I step out of the shower and dry myself. I wore black leggings and a navy blue, long-sleeved shirt. I had just finished drying my hair and I was about to leave the bathroom until I stopped before the door. I turn my head and look right next to the sink and stare at the scale set there. I haven't stepped on it in ages, I also haven't been eating at all for the past nearly 3 weeks. I took it out and I stepped on it and I am just slightly surprised since my emotions are kind of down. I lost 10 kg's. I step off and I put it back to the corner and I leave the bathroom. If you're wondering how I'm still alive then I've been living on the mini-fridge I have in my room, its filled with water bottles and a chocolate bar or two but I didn't touch them at all. I've been living on water. Transparent, still, water.

"Rebecca.", Raiden knocked on my door and called my name softly, "Rebecca, we're leaving tomorrow night, can you just come out for at least a minute ?", he asked, "Please ?", I was being broken down all over again, my family would leave at night to a nearby hotel and I would spend the night alone in my room, I can't let them go back like this, they only have 5 hours left, I made it right on time. I heard Raiden sigh and his footsteps walking away. I stood up from my bed and I walked to the door, I stood there for a minute motionless, my hand on the cold door knob, I took a breath in and I unlocked the door and walked out to meet the wide-eyes of my family, "Take me with you.", I said lowly, Raiden shook his head, "What ?", he asked, still wide-eyed, "Take me back to Cali.", I told them, "Oh Rebecca.", my mother walked to me and hugged me, Race and Raiden followed her. A few tears streamed down my cheek on my mother's shoulders but she didn't seem to be bothered, "How long will you stay ?", Race asked, "A couple of weeks.", I said, "I need time away from here.", I admitted, "Emily, Peyton, can you help her pack up ?", Race asked, "Come on.", Peyton and Emily walked into my room with me and helped me pack up my things, Race was already in the process of booking tickets back to Anaheim right now.

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I wore black jeans, a white tank top and a blue jacket. Race and Raiden carried my 2 bags along with Blue down to the cab and I left the last with Peyton and Emily. I walked out the door of my apartment only to see Luke, "Rebecca.", he called softly, "We'll wait downstairs Rebecca.", Emily patted my shoulder and she and Peyton left, "How are you feeling ?", he asked, I was silent a bit, I held my arms to abdomen and I just stood there, "Wrecked.", I managed to say, "You're leaving ?", he asked, "For a couple of weeks.", I told him, "Why don't you stay ? We can work it out, we always worked it out.", he had sadness fill his eyes, his absolutely beautiful blue eyes that I would just want to stare into for eternity but I can't, "I'm sorry Luke.", I told him. He got closer and he was going to plant a kiss on my cheek but I backed off, its all the same now, I'm just terrified now. "I'm really sorry Lucas.", I whispered to him since he was so close to my face and I left.

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We arrived in Anaheim, I unpacked my things, my mother, my siblings, and the other girls stayed with me trying to comfort me. "Ladies, can we have a minute with our sister please ?", Raiden asked politely, "Don't bother about it sweetheart.", my mother kissed my forehead and she left along with Emily and Peyton. "Rebecca, we know.", Raiden began, "Know what ?", I asked, "We know how Lucas feels about you.", he said, "How ?", I asked, "The last time he came here he was looking at you differently, you know how you look at someone and smile lightly at them, how you talk and flirt and tease each other constantly. He really loves you Rebecca.", Race said, "He confessed his love for me twice.", I admitted, "And ?", they both asked, "The first time I told him to give me some hints, the second time was when we were in Paris. I was finally caving in to all the emotions until Scott and Jennifer did what they did.", I told them, "Listen Rebecca, take it from two boys, he may wait for you now but I'm telling you, we get bored, don't lose him Rebecca, don't let him slip out.", Race told me, "I was so close to losing Peyton last year, don't make the same mistake Rebecca.", Raiden told me, "I can't go back right now guys, all I am right now is a weak person, a pathetic little girl.", I admitted, "Don't say that Rebecca, you're an amazing person, Lucas is lucky he fell for you.", Race said, "You know, just because two lunatics ruined you doesn't mean you should ruin the person who actually loves you. Think about it.", he added, I just pursed my lips, each one gave me a hug and they walked out my room.

I can't do this to Luke. Scott and Jennifer might have ruined me but Luke has nothing to do with it, all he ever did was help me get through it. I can't leave him like this.

Writer's Note: Chapter 46! Enjoy it guys x