Lost, Hopeless, and Destroyed (A One Direction/Niall Horan Fanfic)

Chapter 20 - Broken Beyond Repair

*Authors Note*

Haha, okay I was able to update, but this will be the last one for a while.

But like I said, it won't be too long, promise. (:

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AND PLEASE CONTINUE! ^w^

Please vote and comment.

I will update soon :3

Thank you all for being patient with me. xxxxx

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*Melody's POV*

The surprise for Eleanor and me never happened because something got messed up. It's been about 4 months since the day of the carnival. I hadn't seen Perrie since... weird I thought. But then Zayn told us that her grandmother was sick so she had to go to Norway to take care of her for some months. Great I thought. I can take a break from that heartless bitch. She hadn't texted me either. Maybe she was done torchering me? Maybe. But it has been going good so far with everything. I've been getting so much better that sometimes I forget the bad things in my past that I've done. It was really nice, and I finally knew what it felt like to be happy. And everyone here, especially made life worth while.

To: Melody

I hear you've been acting happier lately? Oh, well that's gonna have to change then, now isn't it? ;) That's right, I haven't gone anywhere. I will never stop until my mission is complete, and I get what I want, which is taking everything you love away from you, until you're left with nothing.

After reading that text, I couldn't even begin to tell you how it felt. It was a feeling I hadn't gotten in a long time. A feeling of sorrow, and pain. A feeling of worthlessness, and fear. Nothing but absolute shock. Frightened beyond everything, I was terrified and somehow around everyone I love I was.... alone. WHY THE FUCK DOES SHE KEEP SENDING ME THIS HATEFUL SHIT LIKE WTF.

I didn't know how she got to me. I don't know why. But she did, she always did. I never wanted someone to end up controling my life. It's my life, I should be in control of it. It's not fucking right! I couldn't believe I was doing this, after all these months being clean. 7 months, almost 8. 'This isn't happening!' I thought. I just needed something. I was going to call Niall who was at an interview thing with the boys for a couple of days. I needed his voice to distract me from doing something I would regret. But as I try to diall the numbers, my vision starts to blurr from the tears filling up my eyes. I can't do it! I thought I could but I can't! Then that's when I heard the voices for the first time in YEARS.

Did you really think you were worthy?

He never wanted you.

Nobody did.

You're fucking pathetic.

l thought that they had went away, I thought I was cured of these voices, but I guess nothing ever goes away forever. I will never be okay...

If only Perrie had never done this. Why was she so mean? I always ask myself this and yet never get an answer. I've asked her before and she's just so delusional. I still haven't gotten a practical answer. I knew it was her causing all of this... pain. But I couldn't help to think that it's my fault for even having the voices in the first place. It's my fault I'm still here and not dead. I can't even kill myself right. I'M SO PATHETIC. OMG.

Yes you are.

Fucking pathetic piece of shit.

Do it.

Do IT.

Cut.

That was the last voice I heard until I looked down and saw my arms covered in fresh red blood. Seeping through the deep cuts. And I know I'm going crazy now... Perrie got to me. Because I don't even remember doing it to myself. I felt how amazing the sensation was, but not physically doing it. I have officially lost myself. And there's no going back now. I'm lost, and no where to be found. I'm broken beyond repair. I'm no longer who I thought I was. I thought Niall could save me, but I guess only I can save myself. And yet, I can't. It's too late Niall... I'm so sorry. I guess just some things aren't worth fixing. I will never change. I am and will always be a fuck up, no matter how hard you try to fix me. I'm no longer your princess. I don't think I ever was. I'm sorry I wasn't the one you thought. I'm just so.. so-.... done. I just wish I could wake up as somebody other then me..

*2 days later*

 "Mel! we're home!" Liam yelled through out the flat.

"Babe!" Niall yelled fast.

No answer.

"I'll go check on her." Harry insisted. Harry went up to the room and saw her sleeping. He smiled and walked back down stairs. "She's sleepin mate."

"Ahh okay." The boys got settled back in from being gone for about 4 days. Everything seemed fine. Niall went up to the bedroom and saw Melody. She was really beautiful to him. Everything about her seemed a never ending cycle of perfection. He just wish she would see it as much as he did. He heard her phone make a noise. It was a text. Niall went to grab the phone but Melody started to wake up. He stopped. "Hey babe. We're back." She instantly smiled and sat up giving him a big hug. "Haha, you happy to see me?" He asked, already knowing the answer. She nodded. Melody grabbed her phone and read the text. It was from Perrie... again.

To: Melody

Guess who's here?! That's right slut. ME. SURPRISE!!! muahahahaha

Melody made a disgusted look. She sighed at the text and put her phone back down. Niall picked her up bridal style and brought her downstairs. She felt like a real princess in that moment, but in reality, she knew she wasn't. And never would be. She was surprised her could carry her. She was fat enough as it is, well, that's what she saw in the mirror. And what the voices told her. They get downstairs and she comes in contact with Perrie.

Perrie walks over to Melody. "So did you do it? Ha, I bet you did. Weak little bitch." Perrie snarled.

At that exact moment, Melody had enough. Melody found her hand clench into a ball of fist. With one swift motion, Melody's fist came into contact with Perrie's face. Blood already surfaced Perrie's face. Before you know it, they were throwin fists at each other like crazy. They both got some good hits. The boys noticed and snapped their heads to the fight. Their eyes widened. They go and try and hold the girls back, but it's no use. There was too much anger in Melody's body to hold back. So much hurt and pain. Perrie deserved this Melody thought. And she was going to get the job done. With one last punch, straight to the side of Perrie's head, she hit her. Perrie went down. Knocked out cold. Zayn caught her though, just before her head hit the floor. He looked at her, his eyes shocked, scared, and sadness in his eyes. 'What have I done?' Melody thought to herself. She looked so horrible and frightened with what she'd done. She was very angry, but she wasn't a bully. Perrie did deserve it in a way, but Melody would never stoop to her level, until now. She was ashamed with herself, and what she had done. Nothing could stop her from crying at this point. Niall tried to hold her, but she broke free and ran outside, down the street. Into the cold dark abyss night. She didn't stop when Niall called her name. She kept running and running until she colapsed. She remembered that since that night she.... Cut, She hadn't eaten either. She was starting to go back to her old habits. It takes a long time to stay clean or free of. But with one action, it can ruin everything you've worked for. Everything you've tried to achive. Yes relapse is apart of recovery. But no, this didn't feel like a 'relapse', it felt like she was a total failure. A weak girl that felt like once she went back and did 'it' again, she wouldn't be able to stop. She got back up off the sidewalk and started to now walk. Until she felt an arm grab her from behind, being rough. Not like Niall's... she was scared to turn around. But she had to, but when she did... She couldn't believe who see saw.