𝗧𝗼𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗿𝗼𝘄'𝘀 𝗟𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝗕𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵 | an apocalyptic novel ©

Chapter 44

No one to Save
2031
Jason

Death is supposed to be like a relief. What they don't tell you about dying, is that it's slow, at least in my case. And it takes away your breath until you feel like you have to take one and don't realize it's your last.
What they also don't tell you, is that the pain comes in waves. Like a tide crashing against a shore, again and again, the water arching and bowing dramatically, stealing your ability to move. When it's gone, you hope it to be forever, and suddenly comes back even more grueling. The sickening part? Your mind keeps you alive throughout it. And you become delusional.
The worst is, that when you are stepping on a slim line between consciousness and blacking out, you start to hallucinate. See the people you've lost, see them say things they'd never speak out loud. It feels you with a certain dread, a fear of the unknown, you do not want to leave this earth, you need to find out if they are real, all your might it takes to reach out for them, only for your hand to feel nothing but cold air.
Dying is not a state, more likely a process, a long one.

I clutch my side, taking a harsh breath. My skin feels like it's separating from me, ripping all my sanity with it. My hands are bloody when I try to rub my eyes. The stinging is a sensation I'm used to by this point. But one pain I didn't know could be worse, is walking.
My vision doubles and the world shifts just as I try to make a step forward and I fall on my side. Sudden pain jolts through me, the tidal wave crashes over me again, it lures me deeper into the darkness.
If I knew how it felt to be lit on fire alive, this would be it.
My mind is a whirlwind, a mess, between the distinctive words of survive and get up, I start to be quite accustomed to lying on the ground. My vision blurs, stars appear and vanish just as fast.
It feels like I'm standing at the end of a tunnel and seeing the light coming in from the exit. The sounds escaping from my hoarse throat don't sound human.

Help...get...
Get..?
Me help get...
Pain.
Hurt. Ouch.
Me bad.

The following wave of pain is like a warfire coming down on me and completely consuming me as I tip closer and closer to the edge of complete darkness. I feel like I'm clenching my teeth so hard that I can feel chunks breaking off. My chest is tied, and the struggling breaths I take become so heavy and shallow that at times it feels like I'm not breathing at all. I want to scream to the sky, for someone to hear me, yet all energy for it is taken. So I whisper the words.
I'm sorry.
The pain seems like it's all-encompassing and all-consuming, leaving me completely overwhelmed and helpless to do anything. My hand wants to reach out to crawl across the ground, yet my shoulder feels like it's dislocated and my tendons torn, separated from my body. Each breath is slowly becoming more and more difficult and the dark is inching closer and closer.
A dry coughing fit shakes me.
I feel myself slipping away into the darkness as it consumes me and takes away everything from me.
Then, for only a moment, I'd like to believe I died.

Suddenly a sharp visceral pain slices through my nerves, my brain, and my soul, leaving me gasping for air. I thought I knew strong pain until right now, but this is excruciating, to an extent where I feel like my heart is ripped out of my chest by a pair of cold hands. The feeling is sending waves of pure torture coursing through my entire body. I feel like it's eating away at everything left inside of me like my soul is separated from my body - it seems like it's never going to stop. I want to cry, scream, I want this to end - I want to let go of this little piece of life my soul wants to cling to. The acidic water feels like it tries to preserve me, to make this time even worse. Minutes feel like centuries and every time I try to swallow to get rid of the hoarseness in my throat, a wave of nausea rolls over me when I swallow nothing but blood, accompanied by a sensation close to inhaling shards of glass.
I stare at the cloudy sky above me, at the raindrops still trickling down to my sore body. My lungs ache, as I breathe in toxic fumes, perhaps the acidic rain is dissolving me from the inside out.
All I have to do is wait.
I can't wait. I want this to be over. When my eyes catch a glimpse of my fingers, I want to vomit. Blisters and red bleeding spots spread over my hands cause an itching feeling that chases along my entire body.
Visceral pain, a sensation close to needles being pushed through my skin to my bone marrow, drives the last bit of sanity out of me.
And when I tear my eyes open after the next coughing fit, I don't feel human.