Love Was Made To Break (An Andy Biersack Love Story)

Chapter 31: Appointment

Chapter 31: Appointment

Scarlette's POV

"Scarlette Walker." A nurse called. I got up and followed her through the door. She took my weight and then led me to an exam room. I chose to sat in a chair in the room instead of the table. "What is the reason for your visit today?" She asked.

"I'm worried about postpartum depression." I told her.

"Okay, can you tell me what is leading you to this conclusion?"

"I rarely want to get out of bed, I don't want to take care of my baby, I am irritated by her cries, I'm crying all the time, I'm fighting with my fiancé, I haven't eaten much recently, I always want to sleep." I listed, staring at my feet.

"Okay, and when did these symptoms start?"

"Pretty much as soon as we left the hospital." I shrugged.

"Okay, the doctor will be in to see you in a moment." She smiled, walking out of the room. I sat in the chair, shaking my leg. I sat for what seemed like an hour, but in reality was only about five minutes.

"Hello Scarlette, so I'm told that you are concerned about postpartum depression?" She asked, sitting on her stool.

"Yes." I answered.

"Can you tell me a little bit about what's been going on?" She asked. I rattled off the same list to her that I just told the nurse. She talked with me a little bit more, forcing me to go deeper with my symptoms and describe them in more detail. "If definitely sounds like their is something. I'm glad you came in. I'm going to give you a depression screener. It is just a questionnaire, but it will help me narrow things down. Would you like me to read the questions to you or would you like to fill it out yourself?"

"Myself." I said.

"Of course. I'll let you complete this and I'll be back in five minutes. If you have any questions, please don't be afraid to give a shout out the door, myself or a nurse will come help." She said, handing me a clipboard with a few papers on it and a pen. She left the room and I began the questionnaire. I finished in a few minutes and placed the clipboard and pen on the exam table. I sat for a few more minutes until the doctor came back in.

"Hey, did you get a chance to finish?" She asked.

"Yes." I said.

"Great." She said, picking up the clipboard. After a few more tests, she sat back on her stool and cleared her throat.

"All of the tests we have completed today are in line with postpartum depression." She said. I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. I took a few quick breaths, suddenly feeling very panicky.

"W-What does that mean?" I asked, my voice shaky. I felt tears come to the edges of my eyes and I looked down at my feet.

"That means we can help you." She said, reaching out and placing her hand on my arm. "Scarlette." She said. I looked up at her and saw she was looking at me with a soft smile. The flood gate burst and I started sobbing, taking in sharp breaths. I tried everything I could to turn off the water, but it only made it worse. She sat with me as I cried for a few minutes, offering me tissues and a caring shoulder. I finally collected myself and took a big breath.

"How? How do I get better?" I asked, desperate for the answer.

"My first recommendation is starting you on an anti-depressant if that is something you want."

"I will accept anything if I will feel better." I said.

"Okay, my second recommendation is going to therapy."

"Oh god." I sighed. "I'm not very good with feelings." I said, shaking my head.

"I know." She chuckled. "You don't have to do anything. These are my recommendations. These are things I have seen work for patients in the past. A therapist can help a lot more than I can."

"I'll go." I said. "Anything to be normal again."

"Scarlette, you are normal. This is a normal condition." She reassured me. "I'll go ahead and write a prescription for an anti-depressant and give you some therapists that myself and my patients have worked with in the past for you to set up an appointment with. Once and if you settle on one, they will take over your prescription. Have you ever been on an anti-depressant before?" She asked.

"No." I said, shaking my head.

"It might take a little bit to find the right medication and dosage for you. You should be on the first prescription for about a month, and then reach out if symptoms are not improving and we will look into changing things around, whether that be increasing the dosage or changing the medicine all together. It is something that you have to be patient with, unfortunately."

"Am I going to be like this for the entire first year of my daughter's life?" I asked.

"It depends how well your condition responds to treatment." She said truthfully. I took a deep breath and nodded.

"Okay." I said.

"Do you have any other questions?" 

"I don't think so." I said, shaking my head.

"Okay, I will go send over that prescription to your pharmacy and compile that list of numbers for you." She said, standing up. She left the room and came back five minutes later with a piece of paper.

"Here is the list. If none of these feel right, let me know and I can give you other numbers or you can try to find one on your own. I will check in with you again at your 6-week appointment and see if there has been any progress made with your condition. That is when we can also adjust your meds if a therapist has not taken over at that point." She said.

"Thank you." I said, grabbing the list from her. I stood up and she walked me out of the room and to the exit door. I walked out into the waiting room and out to the car. I sat in the car for a moment, taking deep breaths and trying to internalize all the information I had just been given. After a few minutes, I turned on the car and drove home. It took me a while to convince myself to get out of the car. I finally got out and walked into the house.

"Scarlette!" Andy exclaimed, walking over to me and giving me a hug. "How was your appointment?" He asked.

"Good." I said, noticing his parents were in the living room.

"Do you want to go up to the bedroom to talk?" He asked and I nodded. We walked upstairs and I sat on the bed, letting out a big breath.

"She diagnosed me with postpartum depression." I said quietly, tears threatening to fall again.

"Okay." He said cautiously, unsure of what reaction to have.

"I-uhm, am being prescribed anti-depressants. She also gave me a list of therapists to reach out to." I said, gesturing to the paper that was still in my hand. I bit down hard on lip, tasting blood.

"This is a good thing...right?" He asked, still tiptoeing on eggshells.

"I honestly don't know." I said, shaking my head. "I mean....it feels good to have a diagnosis and possible treatment options. Also, I feel like I did something wrong or-or that I'm broken." I said, my voice cracking. Fuck. Tears slowly began to roll down my cheeks.

"But, it sounds like we have a plan to get you feeling like yourself again, right?" He asked, wiping the tears from my cheeks with his finger. 

"Hopefully." I said. We were quiet for a moment before I spoke again. "W-What if it doesn't work. W-What if I never go back to normal? What if I never connect with Kaylee?" I rambled, the tears falling faster.

"It will work." He said, grabbing my hands in his. "I will be by your side every step of the way. We will keep working until you start to feel better. We will get through this." He said, letting go of my hands and wiping my tears again. "I love you Scarlette."

"I love you too Andy." I said. He smiled and kiss my forehead.

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