Billionaire's Replaced Bride

Chapter 69 : Her Secrets.

Ivanna

I don't know why I'm hugging him to cry out. I should not. If he is the one who gives me the best memories, he is also the one to give the worst too.

I can feel my body shivering in burning pain inside me as he hugs me against him tightly, continuously asking me what happened?

Why don't I stop finding comfort and peace in his arms?

Even after knowing how many times he has lied to me, I still look for him when I'm in pain. Maybe, because no one was there to share this pain.

I remember screaming alone in my apartment, crying all night. But there was no one to comfort me, hug me tightly and listen to me. I could never tell anyone what I was going through.

Months!

It took me months to pull myself together. When the crumbling trauma killed me every day, every single night, I couldn't gather the courage to tell anyone.

What do I have now?

I was left alone after Chase.

I was left alone after Mom.

I was left alone after my Baby.

Just when I found my peace in a person again, it feels like more den of lies rather than a beautiful castle.

"Iv," Christian slightly pulls away and cups my face again.

I don't wanna look at him. If his presence gives me relief, it reminds me of every lie he said when I look at him. I fear it will make me hate him if I look at him. I don't wanna hate him. Never.

I thought he was messed up, still a good person. But no sane person and ever force a woman to abort her child just for his own benefit. He reminds me of the loss I suffered one and a half year ago. It's still fresh and raw. Because I still feel my little innocent Angle's soul melting inside me.

"You wanted to know my secret, right?" I say in a frozen voice as he gulps down and nods, his eyes darting on me.

"I told you I'll tell you my secret the day you will hurt me the most," I sarcastically smile. "But you know what you hurt me more than I expected. So, just hear me out now, Mr Christian Scott"

I don't delay anymore and wipe my tears, gulping down. I feel his grip tightening around my arm in anticipation.

"Thirteen months ago, I faced the same trauma that my sister may have faced." I whispered, and looked at him, "I was pregnant"

As soon as the words leaves past my mouth his arms slide down from mine, taking a step back. His eyes widen at me-- he's stunned. He might not have expected my secret to be so enormous the way I didn't know about his.

When my heart oozes at my past, I clench my fists tightly to hold my tears back. I wanted him to keep holding me but I guess it's too much for him to digest-- to accept.

"You wanted to know what he gave me. He gave me an incomparable feeling," I gasp. "No matter how much I tried to let it go, I couldn't. You might not know the feeling, that's why it was so easy for you to let the baby go. You might not know how a woman functions-- how her heart functions. You men only know how to leave your seeds inside and just LEAVE! But for us women, we could feel that breath, that heartbeat. And we dumb women can't forget the only man who gave her that moments to feel. In the end to carry your memento, and you guys just LEAVE. JUST FUCKING DISAPPEAR!" I groan

He doesn't say anything. He doesn't react. It feels like he can't even breathe but his eyes are looking  at me -- just like a statue.

I take my steps back lazily and turn around, looking at the sky. Those stars where I have placed mom, Chase and my heart!

"I told you death is a slow poison. I told you I lost a part of me. Every time I found a source of happiness, death snatched it from me." I gulp down and close my eyes.

"He said he would come but he didn't, l used to keep waiting for him in the club every night. For Forty three days."

Forty three damn fucking days!

"I used to work my ass off and spent my nights in that club for forty three nights straight, awake-- with a heart beating inside me. But he never showed up. I was alone, devastated and tired! No one knew my turmoil "

I open my eyes again, staring at the shining star.

"Then one day, the last day of those forty three days, I gave up. I was tired and shattered, roaming alone in the streets of Texas when a vehicle hit me"

I can still hear the echoing sound of the vehicle.

Tears prick my eyes with the deadly flashes of that night.

"I wasn't injured-- just a scratch on my elbow. People on the streets said I was fine. It was nothing. Just a silly accident," I laugh. "But they didn't know that a silly accident like that was enough to take the life of a three month old baby  breathing inside me"

I scream, grabbing the railing, pressing my lips harder in anger and frustration.

I breath heavily. Minutes pass. But he doesn't speak. Not a single word. He doesn't come to console me, nor clarify himself.

"Wow!" I painfully smile without turning back. "I didn't know it'll leave you speachless! Does that hurt?"

I turn around and lean against the railing, finding his eyes blood- red.

Taking lazy steps, I reach him and stare into his eyes-- intensely. I feel light and free. Finally, the words came out, the pain came out which I kept to myself for all this time.

The abortion reports of Irene affected me so much that I almost had a panic attack after eight months.

I feel my senses getting back and my breathing getting normal.

And I walk past him. I don't think I can talk to him anymore about him, nor can I hear him lying to me again.

*

I my lying alone in the room-- inside the blanket. I don't feel like having dinner or anything.

Hours passed and I'm still clueless about how I should feel.

Why did daddo this? Just for money? Just for a million dollar? Or does he love Irene more than me that he sold me to save her?

I don't cry anymore.

I have always been a second choice to dad.

When I'm in battle with my feelings and and thoughts inside, I feel Christian's hands snaking around me. I needed that. I needed this warmth, his presence, his touch.

What can I even do when the person is the same to break me and heal me?

He pulls me closer and holds me tightly against his chest, spooning me from behind, his warm mouth finds the way to my neck. He breathes heavily, securing me protectively in his arms.

"It's true that I paid your dad for you. But that doesn't make you my property, Iv. I never treated you like that. You know that, right? You're precious-- more precious than anything in this world. Even your one smile is more precious than all the damn wealth I have. I just wanted you. That's it. And I did wrong. I know it was wrong. But I told you I'm right for you in the wrong ways. I messed up," he lets out a deep sigh and rubs his nose across my neck.

I can feel him-- his words. Nonetheless, each time I try my best to trust him, he ruins it all.

"But I didn't get Irene pregnant. Trust me. I just didn't. I never even slept with her. I swear. I just-- I just don't know how to make you believe me. She decided to abort it before the wedding. She had the sole right on that baby and I had no right over it. I just placed my name over there because she was embarrassed in that clinic. That's it. Trust me one last time, please."

I won't.

I won't.

Just don't, Ivanna.

I warm myself again and again.

But my heart can't. I need this man in my life, no matter what.

No matter how many times he breaks me, I'll break and get up again only to fall back in his arms.

"I love you, Iv." He whispers near my ears.