Teammates With Benefits

Chapter 5

Adrian's POV

2 days later...

My name is Adrian Sanders. I play safety on my school's football team. I love playing football because it takes my mind off of the rest of my life. I am really sad on the inside, I just feel like I can never find someone that loves me for who I am. One of the big problems there is the fact that I am gay and could never be happy with a girl. 

My whole life I've been raised thinking that I could be happy with a girl, but ever since my sophomore year in high school, I've known almost certainly that I am gay and do not like girls. I realized it the moment Derek Peterson transferred to our school. Before him, I knew full well that I liked guys, but girls were also an option. I had always noticed some of our teammates, specifically Cameron, but he is obviously straight so I never went after him. I've just kind of been alone for as long as I can remember. Being alone for my whole life makes my life seem insignificant, like I don't really have a reason to still be alive. I try not to think like that, because quite frankly it's super depressing and I don't like feeling bad for myself. 

Derek was always different. He was so outgoing the minute he got here, and while me and him aren't really friends, we have great chemistry on the field, sharing the secondary of our defense. I only believe that I might have a chance with him because he doesn't talk about banging girls all the time the way Cameron does. Derek's just a really fun person to spend time with, he's different than all of the other players on the team, more of a goofball, but if he needs to he can be serious. He can put on a stone face and look completely unfazed by anything. 

This morning is just going to be like every other morning, I'm going to wake up and feel like complete shit, shower, eat breakfast, and go to school. I feel like I'm living the wrong life, I should be happy, is happiness really too much to ask for?

I get out of my bed despite not feeling any motivation to do so, and then I shower, letting the water hit me while I just stood under the water for 10 minutes. I get out of the shower, get dressed, and drive to school.

I park the car, but sit in there for a couple of minutes, trying to get in the right headspace. I took a deep breath and got out of my car, and I didn't look where I was opening my door, so I accidently swung the door into who else-Derek.

"Shit, I'm so sorry Derek," I say as I kneel down next to him. This is embarrassing. 

"It's fine, I'm okay," he says, smiling at me. 

"Okay, I'm sorry," I say.

"It's fine. Great game Friday by the way, I didn't really get to compliment you after the game because of the shit between Aaron and Cam. They should stop fighting," he says.

"Thanks, you played great too. I think you had the game saving pass deflection, thanks for saving all of our asses out there. I have a feeling we and the rest of the defense might have to carry the team this year, Cam and Aaron didn't play well on Friday."

"Yeah, I think we can do it. We play really disciplined, we just have to pray that no one gets hurt because that would be terrible."

"Yeah, definitely. One guy goes down and we might be screwed for the year," I say and he nods. 

We walk into the school and I realize how good of a job I am doing at not acting awkward. I'm having a real, normal conversation with him and the words are flowing naturally. This is definitely one of the craziest moments in my life, not acting awkward around a crush. 

"I gotta go to the gym for my first period, so I'm gonna go this way," he says, walking in the direction of the athletics building.

"Alright. I've got a class in the main building, so I'm staying over here."