"we will struggle
not the way people do
and you will hurt me
but not the way everyone else can
and you will love me
harder than anything I've ever known
and I will need you
it will be strong and terrifying
and I will listen
even if it's the sadde...
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Skye December 17th, 2010 Miami, Florida
"Getting anxious Leave me, don't look back It's all about you In the dark right now Feeling lost, but I like it Comfort in my sins It's all about me All I got right now Feel the taste of resentment Simmer in my skin"
I wanted to throw up.
I was supposed to eat, but there was no point because I couldn't keep anything down right now even if I tried. My stomach was literally turned upside down and skin felt like I was covered in ants, crawling up and down my arms and legs, sending spooky shivers up and down my spine.
My alarm was set to go off in ten minutes, but I never fully even fell asleep, so here I was laid up in this bed looking dumb. I could smell the aroma of some kind of food, coming through the crack in my bedroom door. Two weeks ago me and Raven moved out our dorm and into our first big girl apartment, and my bedroom happened to be just a few steps from the kitchen.
She was in there wasting both our time, probably aimlessly banging pots around trying to make me a meal.
Tears were behind my eyes but I blinked them back and sunk down in the comfortable pillows and blankets surrounding my body, unplugging my phone from the charger and opening up my messages.
To no surprise, there was yet another text from Mijo waiting there for me. I stared down at it for a second, reading the same sentiment I'd been reading from him for weeks now, before I swiped and deleted the whole text thread.
I felt a whole bunch of things towards him right now but one of them was definitely embarrassment.
Everybody around me warned me not to catch feelings for him and I swore up and down that I wouldn't. I knew Mijo wasn't the prince I've been waiting for my whole life. He couldn't be. He was aggressive, and nonchalant, and impenetrable. Every last thing on Earth was a joke to him and he didn't care or show emotions about anything. Not even his own kid— he barely even talked to me about his baby like normal parents do.
Of all the conversations we've had, he only got vulnerable with me once or twice. Meanwhile, my heart was on my sleeve and I confided in him as a friend about almost everything in my life.
I should've never told him I loved him.
When I stormed off at breakfast that day at the hotel, he didn't even chase me. I got all the way past the pool, through the lobby and into the elevator. Part of me hoped it would be like in the movies where the guy bursts through the elevators doors at the last minute, and start desperately apologizing for all the stupid things he did and said.
