"we will struggle
not the way people do
and you will hurt me
but not the way everyone else can
and you will love me
harder than anything I've ever known
and I will need you
it will be strong and terrifying
and I will listen
even if it's the sadde...
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Chris October 15, 2008 Alpine, New Jersey
"I got a big old bed, and nobody to sleep with Thoughts in my head and nobody to tell my secrets I'm feelin' like I've lost my girl, lost my mind I can't lie, close my eyes And cry myself to sleep at night."
I brought the half empty Hennessy bottle to my lips and took a long swig, enjoying the familiar burn as the brown liquor trickled down my throat and into my stomach. Heat took over my body immediately.
I smelled her in the room before I saw her— the fruity, sweet scent that belonged to her hit my nose and made me curse to myself under my breath, just wanting it to wrap around me. It was small things like that, that made me crave her when she wasn't around and yearn for her even when she was right in front of me.
I felt her. My woman.
Her hand gently swiped my shoulder as she appeared in front of me, standing over me with a disappointed frown on her face. I sighed, knowing exactly what she was about to say. I didn't want her to see me like this but nothing else would make me feel better right now.
Not a word was said, but she slowly sat on my lap, bringing her hands to either side of my face and making me look in her pretty eyes. I inhaled her, kissing the inside of her wrist while she hypnotized me effortlessly. My mind wasn't my own anymore. I hugged her small frame closer against me, pressing her flesh to mine.
"Why are you doing this to yourself, babe? Hm?"
She asked in that soft voice, rubbing her thumbs against my cheeks. My eyes were shut, but I opened them at the sound of her talking to me, looking in her sad, brown orbs.
"You left me...and I can't get you out my head no matter what I do. I need you so bad."
"You left me first, remember?" I started to lift the bottle back up to my mouth, but she gently pushed it back down. "Stop. I'm worried about you honey, please."
"Then just come back to me...I'll stop...I'll be better. It'll be like it was."
"Would that make you happy?" I nodded silently, on the verge of begging. "I just need you to do one thing for me...before I come back...and I'll stay with you forever."
"Anything...I'll do anything." I meant it. If she wanted me to bring her the sun, the moon and the stars I would do it. I'd never even look at another woman...I'd take my eyes out and give them to her if I had to. It would be worth it to stop this pain I was feeling. "What is it?"
But she didn't answer me. She just stared at me like she didn't recognize me.
"Please...please tell me..."
Tears were hot behind my eyeballs, and I made the mistake of trying to blink them away. When I opened my eyes she was gone.
