"we will struggle
not the way people do
and you will hurt me
but not the way everyone else can
and you will love me
harder than anything I've ever known
and I will need you
it will be strong and terrifying
and I will listen
even if it's the sadde...
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naomi
"Right now, it's killing me Cause now I have to find someone else When all I wanted was you"
"So...you're saying...I don't gotta force you to go out?"
Steph looked at me from across the living room in shock, with a perfectly shaped suspicious eyebrow raised. I just chuckled to myself, patting CJ on his back. Tonight was Kyle's birthday party, and when Steph reminded me about the invitation sitting on my bedroom vanity, I told her if Auntie Cam could watch CJ then I would go.
I know she was expecting me to put up a fight, or say I wasn't in the mood, but I actually wanted to go.
Miami was an eye opener, to say the least. I didn't really know how else to describe it. I was just fine, having a good time, and then I got sucked back into Chris like a damn drug. I was really about to have sex with him that night like an idiot...and then reality came and checked the shit outta me.
I talked a lot about getting on with my life, but watching Chris and his long legged, pop star, supermodel girlfriend kissing in the middle of that New Year's party was a clear sign that whatever I was holding onto, I had to let go. They were tonguing each other down so hard, I don't think she left any breath in the boys body. If they could've had sex right there in front of all of us, they would've. I had to stop Raven from murdering Chris right there, she was so mad at how he was embarrassing me.
I haven't seen his ass since that night. He left for his mini tour with Bow Wow two days later...he didn't even fly back to VA with us to pick up CJ. We spoke on the phone, and he tried to apologize but I honestly was sick of hearing the word "sorry."
I've been single for a year...a whole year. Even though I spent most of it pregnant, I was still technically single. I haven't been on not one date...haven't even given a guy my number since we broke up.
But after Miami...I'm going to enjoy my life. Guilt free.
"Yeah save your speech. I do feel bad about leaving my baby...but it's one little party. Plus, I wanna know what you think of Kyle."
"Damn. That nigga done made you snap. Are you entering your hoe era right in front me?"
"No Stephanie." I rolled my eyes again. "I just wanna have fun. I'm tired of being in this house, sad and depressed, waiting on this boy to come to his senses. I'm only 18...and I'm too cute for this."
"Now you talking the talk I like." She smirked, standing up from the couch. "Imma go home and pack a bag so I can sleep over. Find a fly ass outfit because you gon' be the baddest bitch at this party."
°°°
I nervously checked myself out in the mirror one more time, satisfied with my appearance. I've been waiting to wear this pink denim mini skirt since I bought it, and I finally was, I didn't care if it was cold. I paired it with a simple t-shirt, white Nike Air Forces and a little pink Fendi bag Chris had bought me for my birthday last year.
