"we will struggle
not the way people do
and you will hurt me
but not the way everyone else can
and you will love me
harder than anything I've ever known
and I will need you
it will be strong and terrifying
and I will listen
even if it's the sadde...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
naomi
"Tryna let the time fly Tryna let the time go by Tryna let the time heal all Tryna let the time kill all Of our memories All you meant to me All that history All that's history"
It was pretty nice outside for a January night. It was cold, but not freezing, and the liquor in my cup was definitely warming me up from the inside. Kyle took me out back to a cute little fire pit area, away from the party and the crowds, even though we could still hear the faint sounds of the music playing.
Oddly, I wasn't uncomfortable. Under the bright moonlight his defined jawline stood out to me, as we sat side by side on one of the loungers around the fire. And I could smell him...a beautiful, smoky, masculine scent that made my head spin.
"So what made you pull up tonight? Ya cousin?" He smirked, before raising his cup to his lips again, peering at me over the rim. I rolled my eyes, laughing quietly and shaking my head.
"Why would you assume that?"
"Because you been playing me for months. And I had a feeling you wasn't gonna come tonight. But you here...and you being nice too."
"I'm not always nice to you?"
"You know you ain't, ma."
He slowly turned his head to make a face at me that basically read 'be so forreal right now,' and I bravely held his gaze for a few seconds before we both busted out laughing.
"Well I'm sorry...won't happen again." I relaxed more into the cushions behind me, exchanging small smirks with him and taking another sip from my cup.
"I ain't no sensitive nigga, you good with that little attitude ma." I watched him lick his brown lips, with a playful gaze in his eyes.
"Hm." I chuckled, leaning forward to put my cup on the floor and then crossing my arms over my chest, slightly hugging myself. He silently peeled his jacket off his body and laid it over my shoulders, correctly assuming that I was chilly. "Thank you. You're such a gentleman. You know...your friends not as smooth as you are. The game he in there running on Steph is weak."
"I already told you why."
I rose my eyebrow at him curiously. "Why?"
"Because I'm sincere with mine. I mean every word that come out my mouth. I ain't like other dudes out here."
"I heard it all before."
"You never heard it from me." He looked me in my eyes while he spoke— not in an aggressive or intimidating way, but a intense and sincere way. All the playful energy was gone and replaced with this magnetic, manly pull that made me feel half naked. "I promise, I'm not like nothing you used to. I wanna show you what kinda man I am instead of telling you all the time. I could only do that if you let me take you out. This weekend."
"Kyle-"
I was all set to let him down easy when he started to shake his head, wagging his pointer finger back and forth in the air. He leaned closer to me, cracking a small smile.
"Don't. Don't do that. You wanna say yes, I could tell."
Could I, possibly? I mean...he's sweet...and he makes me laugh a lot. He doesn't seem like a bad guy, but I've been lied to and fooled before so what do I even know? But I always trusted my intuition, and right now it was telling me that maybe I should give him a chance. If I was moving on, I had to start somewhere, by doing something I wouldn't normally do. Something opposite of myself.
I'm not 'Chris' girl' anymore. I'm just me...myself. I had to start acting like it.
"Okay Kyle." I finally let the words leave my lips, watching a cute smile spread across his even cuter face. "One date. But I can't this weekend, it would have to be next weekend. My son will be with his father...I don't really like leaving him with sitters."
"Whenever you want. You a mom, I respect whatever you on. In the meantime though...can I at least get your number so I could talk to you sometimes?"
"Gimme your phone boy." I laughed, rolling my eyes and watching him dig his phone out his pocket, dropping it in my hand.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
chris Houston, Texas
"Every time I talk to you I feel like I be getting stupider with you bro. I'm deadass serious, you a fucking idiot."
I glared straight ahead, listening to T on the other side of the phone. I knew he was gonna hear about what happened in Miami from Kenya, but it was my first time speaking to him since then. He was talking the same shit that I knew he would, reminding me that everything is my fault.
Honestly, I ain't know what had me more bothered— worrying about Nae's reaction or imagining what would've happened if we just left the party like 10 minutes earlier. I had plans that night, man. Robyn pushed me 100 steps back with that shit she pulled. It was cool that she wanted to surprise me on New Years but I feel like she knew Nae was gonna be there so she put on a show.
I've told her a million times that I don't play around about Nae. Her feelings and her comfort still mattered to me. I never wanted to put her in no position like that. The look on her face that night made me feel like shit...I ain't have the balls to look her in the eye the next day on the flight back to VA. I told them go ahead without me and just stayed in Miami with Bow so we left for tour together.
"For the 10th time, T...she wasn't supposed to be there. She said she was gon' be in London. I ain't do it on purpose."
"So? That make it better?"
"Yeah." I mumbled, knowing damn well it ain't make it no better. It should though. I ain't expect her ass to be there neither! I was caught off guard like everybody else.
"What you did when she got there?"
"I left! I introduced them to each other real quick, and I took her and got outta there. It was too awkward."
"Nae gon' kill your ass. I wouldn't eat nothing she cook for the next few months because she gonna try to put you in a deep sleep." He laughed too hard, and it was like nails on a chalkboard to me at this point. "I'm surprised she ain't knock you out. I seen her throw a punch, shit ain't pretty. You would've been dead in the middle of your own party nigga."
"Everything a joke to you, huh?" I sucked my teeth, throwing my hood over my head. I don't know why I ever ask this nigga for advice. He was on Nae's side about everything. On the low, that's Kenya in his ear. These women will really have you brainwashed to think like them. It's mind control. "What the fuck I'm supposed to do now T? Come on, my New York show is next weekend and imma go see her."
"Apologize bro. That's all you could do now. She gon' let you know what she on."
"That's all you got for me? You don't think I did that already?"
"Do it again. Again and again. You embarrassed her and probably made her ass cry. You gon' keep apologizing."
I know Nae's tired of hearing me say sorry...and I'm definitely tired of saying it to her.
