"we will struggle
not the way people do
and you will hurt me
but not the way everyone else can
and you will love me
harder than anything I've ever known
and I will need you
it will be strong and terrifying
and I will listen
even if it's the sadde...
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Naomi
"I always want the truth But it's dangerous"
"Naomi?"
I hated the way my name sounded coming out of her mouth. She didn't deserve to even call me by my name...or call me anything at all.
My whole life I always wondered what our first conversation would sound like. Would she break down in tears, apologizing and begging for forgiveness? Would she be able to explain herself to me? Would I even listen? I played out every scenario that I could.
When I was younger, they were sweet— me running into her arms and accepting her as my mom, going shopping together and maybe her and daddy getting back together. But the older I got, the angrier I was, and they reduced to just a ghost. Which is exactly what she is to me.
"Yeah." I knew my tone was uninviting, I meant for it to be. The look on her face was weird— not a smile but not a frown...a neutral, relaxed look that pissed me off even more for some reason. I eyed her up and down, and I could easily tell where Steph got her whole style from. Just to come over to her mothers house she had on a denim corset that cinched her waist in like an hourglass, and matching skin tight jeans that showed off her rounded hips. I recognized the oversized bag she was carrying, because it was similar to the Christian Dior one Chris had bought me last year.
She clearly never lost a night of sleep worrying about me.
"Wow...look at you. You're beautiful. So grown up now..wow." Wow what, bitch?
"Well what did you expect after 16 years? You're surprised I'm an adult?" I rolled my eyes, leaning back in my seat and glaring up at her. She simply nodded, agreeing like she had no argument for me. But I didn't see any guilt. Not even a little bit. "What you want?"
"I just want to say hi, that's all. I know you probably don't want nothing to do with me and-"
"So if you know that, then why are you even talking to me? You could've kept it moving and not said nothing."
"Well whether you like it or not NaNa, you're my daughter." I scoffed, honestly stunned at her audacity to even address me as her daughter. Is she even allowed to still do that? She hasn't done shit to help raise me, hasn't taught me shit...I'm no daughter of hers. "Look, I'm sorry for leaving the way I did...and leaving you. I won't try to make you understand, maybe we can talk about it one day. But I'd like to get to know you if you-"
"No thanks." I didn't even need a second to think about that one. The answers no and I mean it. I leaned back in my seat, with my mind already made up that this conversation was over.
"Okay...well whenever you're ready, if you're ever ready, call me, stop by the salon...whatever. Okay?"
I didn't say another word, just reached over to scoop my phone out the cup holder, texting Steph to let her know her time was running out. When I looked back up, the last thing I saw of Cynthia was the back of her body as she climbed into the white Escalade truck parked a few feet in front of me. It was only a matter of seconds before she pulled out the parking spot and sped off down the street, disappearing into the bright sunlight.
