Little Dipper

About Pyronica

They pulled up to the playhouse and Tad parked the car with a heavy sigh.

"...I have a question." Dipper asked seriously.

"Yes?" Tad looked at him.

"How did you get a license?" Dipper asked just as seriously. Well, as serious as a seven-year-old could sound.

"Documents provided by Time Baby. As far as this world knows, I was born and raised in this town, and people's memories have been altered to further assist my undercover mission." Tad said with a smile.

"Woooooow. Big perks." Dipper nodded slowly. "Okay, let's go talk to Kryptos!"

Tad chuckled and opened the door. "Yes, let's go talk to Kryptos."

–

"This place is spooky now that I know there's a psycho living in the rafters." Mabel said, frowning.

"We knew that before, though." Gideon reminded her.

"Okay, it's spooky without all the cool props and lights." Mabel clarified.

"Kryptos!" Tad called out, changing into his demonic appearance. "Come out and talk to us, cousin."

"Why should I?" They heard from above.

"We want to talk to you about Pyronica." Gideon said, looking around for the demon.

"Pyronica? You want to talk about the beautiful 'Ronica?" They heard, and then a glowing blue figure jumped from the rafters and onto the stage. "Well, now why didn't you just say that in the first place? I'm guessing from the fact you even KNOW about her that the portal has been opened?"

"Only briefly, but Stanford has returned." Tad informed him.

"Really, now? He was back in the Nightmare Realm? I suppose that means he finally caught the attention of the criminal world. By the time I was summoned, he was still safely out of the Nightmare Realm." Kryptos hummed, leaning against the back of the stage. "But, if he's here, then he likely closed the portal again. Therefore, you shouldn't have any reason to talk to me. Unless..." Kryptos gasped. "There's a rift."

"That's the assumption." Tad replied. "Bill is stronger now."

"Is he? Well, you better make sure it stays shut, or this town is going bye-bye." Kryptos did a playful little wave with his fingers.

"Just tell us about Pyronica.." Gideon said irritably.

"Wow, someone's being pessimistic. What's the matter, little psychic?" Kryptos walked over to the center of the stage. "You seem kind of scared."

"If you must know, I had a vision and I'm pretty sure she was in it, now TELL us about her." Gideon snapped.

"That's no way to ask. But, whatever." Kryptos hopped up and landed on the rafters, his voice coming from above them as he walked on the wooden planks. "Pyronica is a beautiful beast of chaos. She spreads fire and pain with every move, ever followed closely by her cohorts Pacifier and Keyhole."

"We know THAT much." Gideon huffed.

Kryptos hung from the rafters, his legs hooked around the wood. "As far as I know or care, she has no weaknesses. Well, maybe one. But that'll be gone once she realizes he's a lying, betraying piece of shit." He grinned. "Pacifier is violent, and I think he does BDSM but I've never had the displeasure of being one of his unfortunate bed-partners."

"Soooooo didn't need to know that." Tad groaned.

"What's Bee Dee Es Em?" Dipper asked.

"Don't ask." Tad shook his head.

"His only source of pleasure is causing something pain, otherwise he's a sourpuss." Kryptos shrugged. "He was Pyronica's number-one man before she picked up Bill in prison and decided to dote on him like a lost puppy. He's actually really pissed about it."

"And what about Keyhole?" Mabel asked.

"Keyhole? He's...honestly, you don't want to get on his bad side. Those that do, he sucks them up into his keyhole portal and traps them in a nightmareish sub-dimension. And only he can pull them out. I pissed him off once. ONCE. He kept me in that hell for decades and I never pissed him off again."

"Anyone else we should worry about?" Tad asked.

"You know, the only reason I'm telling you all this is because they're going to kill you." Kryptos let go of the wooden beam and landed on the stage again. "Pyronica has gotten loads more in her army since Bill took his 30-year stone nap. Criminals that Time Baby threw in there and wouldn't let leave. You're all gonna die and even Bill won't be able to save you. Best bet? Swear fealty to her and she might spare you."

"Thank you for the very unhelpful and unsolicited advice." Tad said, frowning.

"You thought Bill was bad? You never faced Pyronica. You focused entirely on Bill and no one else, you with your little grudge. He may be all-powerful and all-knowing, but Pyronica has been doing this stuff for way longer. You know why Time Baby was so pissed at Bill for letting them out? Because his Time Cops had been trying for eons to put them behind bars, and then the little shit went and FREED the most dangerous criminals in the ENTIRE MULTIVERSE!" Kryptos laughed maniacally.

"Okay, fan-boy, chill the evil laughter." Mabel said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Oh, don't worry. I'll put in a good word for you, little 'princess bride'." Kryptos grinned. "You'll be spared the agony of burning with the rest of this miserable town by being my slave!"

"Don't you touch her!" Gideon held Mabel protectively.

"Gideon, I can stand up for myself." She said tensely, glaring at Kryptos. "You can't enslave me. I'll make you choke on your own chain, you sicko."

"We'll see about that." Kryptos hummed.

"Let's get out of here." Tad said, changing back to his human disguise. "We're done with him." He ushered everyone out.

"Hey, psychic kid." Kryptos called. "How far out are your visions?"

"Like I'll tell you?" Gideon hissed.

"I'm just saying, you seem kind of in a panic...so, it's gotta be happening soon! Oh, I can't wait until she's here!" Kryptos started to sing a little ditty and dance around the stage.

"Talking about enslaving me? Gross!" Mabel cringed as they stepped out of the building.

"Well...some aliens keep humans as slaves." Tad said, frowning.

"Bill told us that. That when people are abducted, they go to a slave auction in the multiverse black market." Dipper said, frowning. "Like what almost happened to you, Mabel."

"What? When did this happen?!" Gideon looked at her in concern.

"It was years ago. I narrowly avoided being kidnapped by a vanishing house, but others weren't so lucky. I had to fight to escape it." Mabel shivered. "Bill said that it's likely the house was actually a spaceship full of slave traders."

"Good thing you fight well." Tad said, opening the driver's door and unlocking the rest of the car with the switch. "I'd hate to think of you ever in that situation."

"I'll never let him touch you." Gideon promised her.

"Well, now. What do you say to looking for that pesky little rift?" Tad asked cheerfully. "To the Shack!"

–

"Ladies and gentlemen of this fair city...uh...no, that doesn't sound like me. Hey, folks! Too casual?" Stan looked at Bill. "You said you'd help me write the speech."

"If I wrote it all for you, it would be ME giving the speech, not you. I gave you bullet-points to work from." Bill replied. "Come on, Stan. Just greet them like you're Mr. Mystery. You're selling yourself, you're great at this."

Stan sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "...You really think I could be mayor? I really just wanted to stop Bud..."

"Well, I think you could do it. The fact you stood up to stop him is a good sign of leadership." Bill said, smiling.

The back door opened and Ford came in, stopping short when he saw them all in the living room. "...Am I interrupting?" He asked coolly.

"Done with Bud?" Stan asked.

"I need to pick something up from my lab." Ford walked to the gift shop.

"You know, that guy used to take enjoyment in zapping people." Bill told him.

"And you used to take enjoyment in killing people." Ford hissed, looking in at him.

"Actually, I didn't. I took enjoyment in revenge. And I'M not the one running for mayor." Bill retorted.

Ford scowled and walked away again.

"Okay, so...uhm...speech. Let's try again from the top. Maybe I can give you some pointers." Pacifica said, trying to ease the tension in the air.

–

Ford grumbled to himself as he went down the elevator. "Stupid Stan...trusting Bill Cipher of all people. 'They already know all my secrets, blahblahblah'." He said the last sentence in a mocking way and waved it off aggressively. "As if he would tell them all of the horrors he's committed."

The elevator opened and he stepped out, stopping short when he saw the group in the basement. "What's going on here?"

"Oh, hello Stanford." Tad greeted. "Don't mind us, we're just trying to find the rift and avoid the apocalypse. You and Bill can continue with your petty games."

"I don't see anything. What does it look like again?" Mabel asked, coming out from behind the portal.

"It would look like a slowly shifting blob of universe." Tad explained. "Stanford, have you see anything like that?"

Ford frowned. He'd usually think he could trust Tad Strange, but if he was on Bill's side... "No, I haven't. Have you seen a red, white and blue striped tie with a button on it?"

Gideon looked up from Journal 1 and gave him a hard stare. Ford swallowed nervously, wondering if the boy could see into his intentions. But he had the stone on, so that couldn't be possible! Right? Didn't it stop that? He hadn't really been able to study it much before he went to the multiverse.

"The last time I saw something like that, the goat was wearing it." Gideon said with a level tone.

"The goat?!" Ford gaped.

"Oh, yeah! I found it down here before and thought it was SOOOOOO cute!" Mabel said, giggling.

"You...the goat...my invention? Where is it now?" Ford asked.

"I don't know, the Bottomless Pit?" Gideon closed the book and looked around the desk.

"But, I need it!" Ford insisted.

"I could ask the gnomes." Gideon shrugged.

"Why is it so important?" Dipper asked from behind Ford.

Ford flinched and turned around. When had the child gone behind him?! "I just need it. It's to help with the election."

"What's it do?" Dipper asked innocently.

"You know what, it doesn't matter. Uhm, Gideon, was it? Can I see Journal 2?" Ford looked at him.

Gideon slowly sat up and looked at him, raising an eyebrow before his eyes glowed for a moment. "No amount of mind-control will make my father a competent leader. And we have more important things to worry about than the election anyway. We need to make sure there's still a town TO lead, so how about you stop dodging the subject and help us find that rift?"

"Did you just read my mind? You know, it's very rude to do that." Ford frowned.

"Only the surface thoughts. I can't go any deeper." Gideon shrugged. "And you were acting suspicious. If you don't think my father would be a good leader, don't help him get into the position. You won't be around to control him all the time."

Ford chuckled a bit. "No, I think he might be able to--"

"Stop lying." Gideon stood up and glared at him. "We have more important things to worry about than your pathetic pissing contest with Bill. At least Bill genuinely wants to help Stan, you're just being a jerk. If you have so much free time, help us find the rift."

Ford tensed up and walked to the elevator. "I have to get back to your father. Why aren't you standing by him, you're his son!"

"And so I know more than anyone that he's not a good person." Gideon said bitterly. "Underneath that cheerful exterior is a jerk that kidnaps a rich girl and wipes her memories to make her marry him and then continues to wipe her memories every time she starts to realize that she doesn't actually love him and, by the way, he drove her to insanity!"

Ford walked over to the elevator button. "Maybe he's changed. Maybe he drove himself to insanity before that point with that infernal machine. Cosmos knows that Fiddleford did!" He pushed it and the doors opened, letting him in.

"Sure. Spend the night with him and see how good a person he is. My mother is staying at the Northwest Manor and I'm staying with Tad, so it'll just be the two of you tonight." Gideon said sardonically. "Have fun with that."

Ford stepped in and the gate closed. As it started to move up he heard Tad say "Wait, when did we agree you were staying the night? I mean, I don't mind, and that was very dramatic, but you forgot to ask me?"