How to Survive South Park

Becoming a Member

"It's funny, ain't it?" Memberboss asks us as we drink. "Most humans naturally delude themselves into thinkin' they can control everything, especially if there's a precedent or two. They'll think they're prepared and that there's no need to worry about it. Doesn't matter how much confidence they have, the results are always gonna be disastrous, member?"

Why do I feel like that was directed at me?

He does have a point though. Look at what happened with the government during SOT. Look at what happened to humanity itself when the ads attacked. Look at what happened to the ads when they started to replicate humans. Look at what happened to me throughout my time here.

"...Yeah, I member."

Memberboss ends up taking the hint from earlier and doesn't try to brainwash us like he plans to do to Garrison. It should be smooth sailing from here for hopefully the first time during my stay in this world.

Kenny's POV:

The party goes great but what the berry boss said sticks with Dovah. The look on his face made it obvious. I can read the guy like a book and don't need to invade his mind to do it unlike SOME PEOPLE.

(("I plead the fifth.")) Of course you do.

I know Dovah will get through this though. The guy takes any hardship thrown his way and uses it to grow stronger. And he's not doing this alone.

I couldn't be happier with how things are right now. Unlike when I was with Stan's group, I'm actually being included in these adventures and missions. I'm not just off to the side, waiting for a meteor or giant turkey or fucking Cartman to murder me.

I know how things are supposed to go here. Season 22 is where the Team Stan broship really starts going to shit, at least with me. When "I" (what is supposed to happen involving me) stopped those fucking e-scooters with Mackey (once again putting my life in danger for that), the other three aren't happy about it just because it resulted in them getting less candy while Trick or Treating. They didn't even fucking apologize for abandoning me before.

The Pandemic and Vaccination Specials later on made things 10 times worse. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman decided they didn't want to be friends anymore and throughout those stupid specials, they completely patronized me and took me for granted.

They treat me like a fucking baby that they have to share custody of rather then their best friend that has always been there for them and gave his literal life for them on more then one occasion (they don't remember the latter besides Cartman but fucking still).

To them, I wasn't a friend. I was a fucking obstacle that they had to occasionally deal with.

Future me in the Post Covid Specials had some sense when calling them out on their bullshit before he died. Even then, future me still went back in time and died to try and fix things for them AGAIN! I didn't even respawn that time, Kenny McCormick was dead for good!

Knowing what was destined for me is one of the main reasons I chose to leave Stan's group for good. The other main reason was the guys in my new friend group. Sure, we banter a lot but at the end of the day, we're the fucking three amigos. The three musketeers! We make the impossible possible and kick fucking ass while we're at it!

They helped me get out of poverty. They helped me protect and save Karen. They helped me feel better as a fucking person. "Team Stan" as Dovah calls them never did any of that.

I won't bother hating or getting any kind of payback on Stan, Kyle, and Cartman because they don't even deserve another second of my attention. I'll only make exceptions when Dovah needs me to.