Staying Alive//TWDFanFic

Five

-'30 Days Without An Accident' Onward-

Daryl and I haven't had anymore spicy nights like we did 15 days or so ago, I've kept count because I dream about it every damn night now. He's been busy doing supply runs with some of the newbies. I've been 'assigned' to stay back at the prison to basically take over for anything Daryl does here for everyone that doesn't involve leaving. I've been consistently annoyed by the requests I get from Rick specifically because it seems like he's just trying to keep me busy indoors. I think he thinks it'll help me to stop missing Daryl or something, he even replaced our nightly watches with another pair which ticked me off a bit. I had a rare afternoon of downtime and was waiting for Daryl and the others to come back from their run to some military base or something.

I found Hershel sitting alone reading a book, I decided to sit across from him and stare him down until he put the book down, "Can I help you Josephine?" I sigh, "Why is Rick trying to keep Daryl and I apart?" He tries to hide the sympathy behind his eyes and stays silent, "I know he confides in you, I'm not going to say anything, I just want to know for myself because it's driving me nuts." Hershel sighs as he sets the boom aside and focuses his full attention on me, "Well, full transparency, he's only spoke about it in passing so I don't know exactly what's going on there but as far as I know, Daryl is one of our strongest members and Rick is scared that you'll distract him from what he needs to be doing." I scoff, "So it's a selfish thing? I don't understand because we've been steadily becoming what we are now since I got here and you guys basically shoved Daryl and I together and now that something actually blossomed from it, he wants to cut it off because he thinks I'm a distraction to the man that I was actively hunting and going on supply runs with for a few weeks before I was put on bitch duty? Am I off base with this or? Also if I'm such a distraction to Daryl, why the hell am I the resident Dixon when he's not here? Make it make sense, please Hershel, or I'm going to go insane." He puts his hand on mine to try to calm me, I want to smack it away but I control my anger as he calmly says, "I agree with you Josephine but Rick does things his own way and I'm not going to step on his toes with this one. Daryl and him have a bond that I wouldn't even attempt to get between." I nod, "I understand and just so we're clear, I'm not trying to get in between anything, I just want to go with Daryl whenever he leaves so I'm not driving myself nuts waiting for him to come back to me." I sigh deeply as I hold his hand tighter, "I think I'm in love with him, Hershel, and I hate it because I can't afford to love anyone else." He sighs as he scoots his chair closer, "I understand exactly how you feel but you will not lose Daryl, believe me. He's been through hell and back, he's lost his brother, he's watched members of our group die out and he's stayed strong for us, he'll keep going no matter what gets in his way. He's proven it time and time again even in the short amount of time that I've known him." I nod as I wipe away a few tears, "I'm just so scared and I don't know what to do with it. It's always been just me after my dad and brothers and now I actually care about other people, and I'm scared to lose them. Not just Daryl, any of you. I'm scared, Hershel, just tell me what to do." I breakdown and put my face in my hands to hideaway for a moment, I hear him wobble over to the chair next to me, wrapping his arms around me. I felt like I was hugging my Dad again for the first time since he passed and I just let myself fall into him and I let loose all the tears I've had to hold back all this time. I kept apologizing for being such a mess as I calmed down but Hershel just put his hands on my shoulders and reassured me that it's okay to feel my feelings.

I heard a loud thump from the cell block entryway followed by running footsteps, "Jojo?!" Daryl holds my face in his hands as he looks to Hershel, "What happened?" Hershel sighs, "She's fine, she just needed to let it out." Daryl pulled me in close and I started crying again, I was beginning to think I was going to get my period or something soon because I'm never emotional like this even when I'm emotional. Hershel got up, I assume, to give us a moment alone. "What's going on Jo?" I pulled away and he used the sleeve of his jacket to wipe away my tears, he calmed me down after a few minutes and I just looked into his eyes, "I missed you." He smiled at me before kissing me softly, "I missed you too." He hugged me again before leaning back in his chair with a sorrowful expression, "We lost Zack to walkers, almost lost Bob too." I put my hand on his thigh and squeeze it lightly, "That's terrible, I'm sorry, D." He grabs my hand, "I'm so tired of people dying." He held my hand to his forehead and leaned over, trying to hide that he was fighting back tears. I lean down and whisper, "Do you want to go upstairs?" He nodded and kept his head down as I brought him up to his cell, I sat down in his bed and motioned for him to sit with me, he ended up laying his head down in my lap and letting the tears flow. He's a silent cryer so I just stayed quiet and ran my fingers through his hair until he calmed down.