Can't Get Use to Losing You- Max Mayfield

November

The weather was changing and something inside TJ was as well, during soccer practice his head was all over the place he couldn't seem to focus at all.
"Wheeler over here now!" Coach Tresscott shouts.
TJ hesitates for a second before walking over to the coach.
"Look son... where are you right now?"The coach asks.
TJ looks around genuinely confused and replies, "We're at soccer practice coach. Hawkins high..."
"No I know that son, I mean you're head you're all over the place. You've missed about ten passes, your own passes have been intercepted near enough every time, you're making stupid and dangerous tackles and you just seem distracted." The coach firmly tells his captain, he sighs then continues, "Look I get it, I know you're hiding it... because you're refusing to talk about what happened this summer, but I need you to take a break from soccer. You're not being dropped I want to make that clear, but you're going through a lot and you need to take a break son, for your own sanity."
"Wait...what! No coach I promise it just a bad day." TJ tries to defend himself.
The coach sighs before looking at the younger boy, "Son... these bad days have been happening now for weeks. You need to talk to the school therapist lady... Ms Kelley, if you won't talk to me. Then once I know you've spoken to her at least once we can reconsider, but right now TJ you're sitting out I can't risk you injuring yourself or others." TJ can't look at the coach and instead grabs his bag and storms off towards the changing rooms.

"Wait he benched you!" Axel and Sammy shout at the same time. Currently the three boys are sat on top of Axels trailer, the two older boys smoking while TJ lays down staring at the sky.
"He said it's a break...that I need to get my head cleared." TJ responds.
"I mean... you have seemed a little off recently TJ." Axel comments receiving a punch to the arm from Sammy.
"What he has!" Axel argues.
"What Axel is trying to say is... you need a release man. You either need to talk or find a way to channel what's going on in your head...maybe you could start writing again?" Sammy states, glaring at Axel.

TJ lays there pondering for a second, and then sits up next to the two older boys.
"Can I try one?" TJ asks.
Sammy looks at him shocked, before Axel speaks up, "You can try. One drag though and this will not become a habit...okay." TJ takes the cigarette out of Axels hand who tries to move it further away, though eventually gives up. As TJ takes a drag, he coughs on the inhale as the other boys laugh at him. The three sit there talking about anything and nothing, TJ sees a light turn on over at Max's trailer and hops down from the trailer, running over towards it.
"Oh! Well see you then...." Axel shouts after the younger teen.
"Yeah thanks for ditching us lover boy!" Sammy yells, TJ turns and flips them off with both hands.

As November went on he noticed a change in his brother now both Will and El were in California. Nancy on the other hand had thrown herself into any extra curricular activities that she could, but Mike he just seemed emotionless.
The two still shared a room, but rarely they spoke and if they did for some reason it felt awkward.
One rare night they're both actually in the bedroom at the same time, wide awake just laying there.

TJ is hesitant on whether to speak or not but he soon doesn't have a choice when he hears Mike call out his name, "Teddy?"
"Mike?" He responds.
"I just want to ask if it gets easier? You know missing people, like I really miss El...and Will. In the long run does the feeling of missing them fade or at least become more bearable?" Mike whispers.
"No! But I mean at least you can still see El and Will, you can actually talk to them, write letters and get a response, I guess it'll probably get easier cause they're still alive." TJ mutters.
There's silence for a moment and TJ feels bad straight away, knowing his response was a bit harsh and uncalled for.
"Look I'm sorry Mike, it's just I don't want to bullshit you. I want to say it gets easier but I've never felt lonelier and..." TJ tells his brother, but gets cut off.
"How can you be lonely? At least you're girlfriends here." Mike spits out with annoyance lacing his tone.
TJ goes quite not knowing how to respond and instead turns over and switches the light out.

TJ was sat in the basement of the Wheeler household playing vinyls, currently The Cure Inbetween days was blasting. Music usually makes TJ feel better, but recently he could feel himself becoming more and more uninterested in everything around him. Soccer was a no until he spoke to the school therapist, writing music was becoming a struggle as he couldn't find the words to describe how he was feeling, school he hates it he couldn't keep his mind focused on the work to even remember what he was suppose to be doing and then there was Max. The girl had so much going on, TJ didn't want to burden her with whatever it was that was happening with him. He couldn't do that to her and even if he could he would not be able to describe what was happening in his head.

Laying down staring at the record going round, TJ doesn't notice that his older sister has come down into the basement.
"TJ? Hey what's happening? Are you okay?" Nancy asks, seeing the look on her little brothers face.
She sits in front of the sofa staring at her brother. He's motionless not responding until he can feel himself freaking out, his heart rate is quickening up and breathing feels impossible to him.
"TJ! Woah, woah look at me. It's Nancy your sister, you're safe here." Nancy panics, seeing the look on her brothers face, he's pale and is looking round frantically.
"TJ! Teddy!" Nancy yells.
"I... I don't know... I don't know what's happening to me." TJ stumbles over his words, as his sister grabs his hand trying to bring him back to reality.
Eventually, TJ comes out of whatever is happening to him. Nancy sits with her brothers head in her lap stroking his hair, trying to comfort him the best she can, doing what she did when they were younger and he'd hurt himself.

Unfortunately for TJ this was not the first of these episodes and they became more frequent and random. He remembers having one before, when him and Riley weren't talking, but now he doesn't understand why this is happening. If the episodes weren't enough, the nightmares that started were the icing on the cake.

The first night TJ has a nightmare was at Max's, he'd snuck through the window like always when he stayed over. He knew Max would sometimes have nightmares but TJ thought he was coping as well as one can with seeing their best friend flayed and them also trying to kill them. The death of Billy was also something that haunted the boy, he'd managed to shove it to the back of his mind but just like how Riley attacked him that night these nightmares caught him off guard. TJ was convinced it was real life, as Riley walked towards him, "You're supposed to be my best friend... my brother. You could have saved me!" He yells at TJ.
TJ stands in a state of fear as black veins start to bulge all over Riley. His best friend shoots forward grabbing TJ by the neck just like he'd done but this time he wasn't stopped. Squeezing and squeezing TJ's neck, TJ wakes himself and Max up screaming.
"TJ it's not real. You're here with me it was just a nightmare." Max soothes her boyfriend stroking his hair. TJ can feel that he's a sweaty mess, as he tries to regain control of his breathing.

After a while TJ has calmed down, he stares forward avoiding eye contact with Max who he can feel staring at him. He feels embarrassed that this has happened in front of Max, who he didn't want to know that he's struggling in any shape or form. He takes a deep breath before whispering,
"I'm sorry Max."
"TJ you have nothing to say sorry for... I get them as well. You can't help it." Max explains.
TJ doesn't reply and instead puts his hand out on the bed, within seconds Max interlocks hers with his. He smiles and turns to look at her.
"I'm lucky to have you, Mayfield." She puts her forehead against his and gives TJ a soft kiss which he returns. After awhile TJ drifts off to sleep, as the girl next to him sits awake too afraid of having a nightmare of her own.

On the last day of November TJ makes a decision, if he wants to carry on playing soccer he needs to look like he's making an effort. This is how he finds himself outside of Ms Kelley's office, as he goes to knock the door opens. 
The school therapist is stood there smiling at him.
"I heard you from inside, the internal debate was pretty loud. Come in Theodore I've been wondering when you'd make a visit." Ms Kelley tells him with a warm smile.
TJ debates going in but takes a deep breath and steps inside the office.