Scarlett: Child of Crescent Moon

36. Still My Mate

Liam

I almost lost myself completely when Scarlett was in her coma, and I was so harsh to others that I was often avoided due to my unpredictability. There have been incidents over the past few weeks that I'm not proud of either because I couldn't reel my emotions in and keep my shit together.

I prayed to the Goddess every day for Scarlett to wake up and although it seems my prayers have been answered she doesn't seem like the same personas before. She has been excited as she prepares for motherhood by writing down names she likes and what themes she would do for the nursery, but sometimes it seems that she just shuts down and isn't as vocal as she used to be and trust me when I say I've had an earful from her when she's excited or pissed off about something. I've caught her staring off into space more often than I'd like and she doesn't tell me what is on her mind much with a hum in response to many of my questions.

I know that she is has to be the same great she wolf that the Goddess paired me with because who else would she be? Something about her isn't quite right anymore though and it is causing distance between us again. It isn't like last time though because she isn't angry at me for doing dumb crap and being some overbearing asshole afraid that she can't do anything for herself. Now she just seems completely disconnected from me in many ways. I still feel the need and desire she has for me through our bond, but something else is mixed in with it and I can't figure out what it is or why it is there. Did something happen to her during her coma? The night before she woke up, I felt pain and oddly a hint of pleasure along with much fear from her, but her lips are sealing when I ask her if she remembers anything about it.

Scarlett has always been so open toward me about anything and everything that it is unsettling to feel this barrier between us, and it seems to grow larger when certain topics are brought up. Like I said, I know she loves me still because I feel it through our bond yet that uneasiness between us is making me insecure with each passing day. She's devoted her life to the Goddess and believes in the mate bond, so this change is confusing and unexpected, and I don't want to assume anything, but I'm certain is has something to do with her time in her coma or the experience we had at the leadership meeting.

I can't wrap my head around this and the silence that consumes most of our day eats me alive. I just want her to talk to me, but she refuses to speak about the day of the demon attack or about her time in a coma anytime anyone asks her about it. At first, I thought the trauma from everything was breaking her down, much like when she wolfed out and killed Mason Taylor, but her behavior now doesn't seem like her coping mechanisms she used around that time. I know she's attempting to focus on being an outstanding leader for our people and an amazing mother as we wait for our pup, but there is something holding her back from her full potential and I want more than anything to help her absolve it. She has good intentions but hasn't been as efficient connecting with our group and during our leadership meetings her lack of communication hasn't gone unnoticed by our kingdom and allies. Hopefully she is just experiencing what they call "pregnant brain."

Every day I ask myself if there is someone or something to blame for this? Is there anything that can help her or am I being to obsessive and worried for no valid reason? Expecting a pup may be getting to me to the point I'm exhausted and in a state of constant worry. The doctor has tried to reach her without any success, and I can't ask Luca to do a mind breech because she's expecting, and it would be too risky for the pup. Max speaks to Savvy and says she and the pup are doing well, but he notices there is a darkness there too that occupies their minds. He said Savvy is hopeful everything will be okay since she can't talk about it either, but what does that even mean? Why is she so afraid to speak?

"I don't think she is afraid, but is under some sort of Alpha Command, or something because Savvy wants to tell me but whines when she attempts to form the words" Max states with an heir of confusion. I mean that could be plausible but who is strong enough to do that to us, especially if we have the Goddess's blood flowing through our veins?