Goodbye Doesn't Mean Forgetting

Goodbye Doesn't Mean Forgetting: Part 32

"I...erm...I just need to go to the toilet" I said, excusing myself and running up the stairs.

I opened the bedroom door, ran straight to the drawer and started to rummage through it. I threw everything over the floor to find the package where I had left it, in the bottom Left hand corner. I took out the box and undid the bag, holding what could be my life in my hands. I sat with my back to the door, throwing the package about, wondering if to take the test or not. My hands became sweaty. I didn't know what to do. 

"Is that what I think it is?" Said a voice behind me.

"No...no...no"

"It is, it's a pregnancy test" Ella said, walking towards me and sitting besides me.

"You think you might be pregnant?" She asked.

I nodded my head, the tears flowing down my cheeks.

"Oh Meggy Moo" She said, putting her arms around me hugging me tightly as I cried into her shoulder.

"Have you taken the test yet?"

I shook my head.

"Maybe you'd better do it now, we can figure out what to do from there. I'm gonna be here for you, no matter what the result. Good luck" She said as she handed me the box and lead me to the bathroom. Telling me she'd wait outside, I walked in, my hands shaking. I closed the door behind me. Carefully, I teared open the box and took out the instructions, reading them thouroughly. I took a deep breath and did what had to be done. 

The test was electronic so it said that It would tell me my future in around 10 minutes. I waked out of the bathroom, holding the test in my hands. Ella put her arm around me and guided me back down the stairs. We sat together and she tried her best to comfort me. There was an awkward silence in the room, Ella didn't know what to say and neither did I.  The silence was broken when the test started to beep. I immediately picked it up. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and opened them. I looked at the test and started to cry.

"Pregnant, 4-8 weeks" 

"Oh Meg, that's amazing news" squealed Ella.

I looked at her with tears in my eyes. I felt half happy, half sad, half nerves. My emotions were messed up.

"You Don't look happy, why not?"

"I am happy. Well Ella, I've wanted kids with JJ and I know he'd be an amazing dad but well...I...I don't know if he's ready. What if he wants me to get rid of it? What if he doesn't want it? What if he splits up with me? I don't want to get rid of it Ella I really don't, it's my baby now, a little life growing inside of me and I...." I babbled on, clutching my stomach.

"Shh, shh, shh" Ella said, reassuring me.

The problem now was going to be telling JJ.

The weeks in the tour lasted a while. By the time JJ had returned, my stomach had begun to grow. I covered my little secret with baggy hoodies and pregnancy jeans which I ordered online, just so no one else would know. Ella was the only person who knew about it and she wasn't going to tell anyone. When JJ arrived home, he opened the door, dumped his bags down and opened his arms, hugging me tightly. I flinched away, the pain of something in my stomach. The smell of his aftershave forcing me to run straight to the bathroom to be sick again. He didn't take any notice. However, he did start to notice the changes. Throwing up every time he was near, throwing up every morning, eating more malteasers than normal and only wearing baggy hoodies and jeans. He came to hug me and i flinched again.

"What is wrong with you lately?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you're acting all funny, it's like you're going off me or something"