Gryffindors princess

Always a badger

October 24th 1995
TW
Song: Saturn by Sleeping at last
A burning hill by Mitski
Motion sickness by Phoebe Bridgers
Where's my love? By SYML

I don't know what happens to people after they die. I know in the muggle world they're just dead, in some cultures they bury and others they burn. Some do open caskets at funerals and some are unlucky, they have too choose closed caskets. If they believe in a higher power they either go to heaven or hell. That's it.

Things are a bit more complicated in the wizarding world. How can you believe in a higher power as a wizard or witch, how can there be a God. Well for me there is one, I'm not sure who or what, but I believe there is one.

I wonder often, for example, if I was to die what would happen. I try to think of my death to make sense of Cedric's. I have powers, built in powers like webs shooting from my very fingertips. It's a family ability, passed down to every kid, like a gene we can't avoid. It's nothing incredible, even Dumbledore can manipulate water. But I wonder what would happen to these abilities if I died. Would they die with me?

Did Cedric's die with him? All the magic that ran through his blood, the magic he didn't need a wand for.

"Here you are" Hermione squeezes my shoulders

I look into the mirror across from us to see her smiling at me and I quickly smile back, looking at the dress she's zipped me into.

She won't tell me what we're getting dressed for, but I think I have a pretty good idea what it could be and it makes my stomach turn.

I requested everyone wear white to Cedric's funeral. I remembered when we went to my aunts funeral, how he said it scared him how everyone wore black, the looks on their faces and their behaviours even more frightening.

I agreed

It did look scary, kind of demonic.

No one wore white, not even I did. The people he considered angels on earth left him dark and gloomy, possibly frightened for what the afterlife was going to be for him.

I still remember how he looked. He wore a white dress shirt and black slacks with his favourite brown leather shoes. His hair was styled like always and he had a single gold ring on his pointer finger, the single family heirloom Amos inherited.

His under eyes were dark, skin grey and lips losing colour. Even with the makeup they had put on him, it looked like his face was melting. Every twitch in his hand made me hopeful, but he stayed laying there, nothing changed.

Cho and I stand outside the Room of Requirement in silence. She looks at me and I look at her, she knows just as much as I do what comes next and neither of us are ready. But we'll play the part.

"I can't believe it" she whispers to me, our hands are intertwined and for the first time we don't try and conceal our frowns as everyone jumps out of their hiding spots with a loud 'Surprise'

I try to take a deep breath but it gets caught in my throat.

There's banners of mustard yellow around the room with 'Happy Birthday Cedric!' In white writing, balloons and posters, his favourite foods and drinks. A party just for him.

I hope they aren't too proud of themselves for keeping this a secret from us for weeks now, expecting us to jump up and down in pure joy thanking them for the reminder.

I have celebrated fifteen birthdays with Cedric. Watched him open gifts and blow out candles, made fun of the sweaters his mother has made him wear and read the cards from girls he was chatting up those years. It's only been four months since he's died. I look at the birthday cake Fred had ordered from a nearby bakery and remember this is the first birthday without him, the first October.