Vision Quest

34. Afghanistan off Base Part 5 Torn

POV: Roger

    After Sarge died, I became a zombie on base. I just went through the motions of doing what was required of my job. The only reprieve was my weekly trips to Ahmad, Mina, and the boys in the tribe. Ben became my main friend on base. We would hang out in my office, share smokes and philosophize.

"You know, at first hardship just makes you bitter, but in time you realize it can make you more compassionate and understanding. You realize that the bad gives you a greater appreciation for the good in life. Roger, you have to stop dwelling on the bad." This was Ben's way of trying to help me.

"Easier said than done, Doc Freud. What really helps is this." I took a deep draw of the joint I was smoking.

After a couple of months, I was beginning to get better.

Then the day of horror came. I was driving out to see the tribe when I heard excessive gun fire and smoke rising from the direction of Ahmad's village. I pulled off the road, crawled upon top of a nearby ridge and got out my binoculars to see what was going on. Several of the mud huts were on fire. There were armed men running about firing. They were obviously Taliban. They were grabbing young men and girls to take off with them. People were cowering in corners or fleeing in all directions. I spotted Firash running in my direction. I went back to the jeep and radioed the base to see if we could get a contingent sent out to drive the Taliban off.

Instead, they called in an air strike that leveled the village. I don't know who made that decision. There were a lot of higher-ups who really did not approve of the village's known connection to the marijuana fields. There were others who suspected that the village was a Taliban stronghold. That was clearly not the case. Possibly, it was just a miscommunication. Higher-ups are often not as competent as we would wish. All the same, I would not want their jobs. I did not even want the job I had.

I got to Firash before he could be shot by either side. We waited at a safe distance until the apocalypse was complete. The surviving Taliban had run off. The planes had returned to base. The villagers that had escaped into the mountains began to straggle back in. Firash and I followed them in and began looking for survivors in the rubble.

We found a few. When we found Mina's body, I froze. One of the other searchers knelt down and checked her throat for a pulse. He said something in Dari then turned toward me and in English said, "Indeed we belong to Allah and indeed to him we will return." I broke down. I couldn't take it any longer. Firash and I hugged each other. We tried to be strong. Firash vowed vengeance. I couldn't blame him. I just hoped his wrath would be aimed at the Taliban. I was not sure who was more to blame for this destruction, the Taliban or us. Honestly, I just wish it had been me instead of Mina that had been killed.

I went back to the jeep and gave Firash all the supplies I had brought. We had been told that Ahmad had been killed. Firash told me he would make sure the supplies got to those who needed them. I got in the jeep and drove back to the base. I drank all the liquor I could find. Marijuana just was not going to be enough. I passed out listening to Natalie Imbruglia on the radio. She was one of Mina's favorites. Yeah, her song was about a woman's disillusionment with a man. But for me it was disillusionment with life.

"I'm torn.

I'm all out of faith. This is how I feel.

I'm cold and I am shamed. Lying naked on the floor.

Illusion never changed. Into something real

I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn.

You're a little late. I'm already torn."