Project You

Chapter 43

We were mostly quiet in the car, only the sound of the radio in the background as I stared out the window, wondering why what we had spoken about at the diner affected me so much.

I guess I didn't think about long term much. In general, I tried not to. Because for the longest time I never even looked forward to the future.

I did want to be with him of course, and I couldn't imagine not being with him now, but the whole thing about kids and the future and stuff like that.

It was scary. The thought of it all. It was overwhelming too.

Dating, breaking up, marriage, divorce, kids, child maintenance.

I wanted to put my mind off for a moment.

To stop overthinking, to just shut the hell up and not fall back into a dark place even when things were going good but thats not how the world worked did it? You could have everything you want and more and still be depressed.

Sometimes I wondered if I was the problem. Everything I did. Thought. Said. It just, it all was a mess. I was a mess.

I only zone back into the real world when the car stops, and I blink, looking to see that we'd just parked at the the college parking lot.

I open the door, and get out, taking my bag, putting it over my shoulders and walk around the car.

Since we'd already had to bring the project over the weekend to the university hall, we just had to go there now and meet up with our professor since today was our day to present our work.

And to think about it, time flew by.

We had so many months to work in this moment. And here we were today, here, ready to present something Karsen and I had created together.

"Hello there."

I look over to see none other than my new friend, Brenton, "Hello." I say, and he winks, I don't force a smile, but I know my expression is warm, not cold, merely a small tip of my lips.

"You seem more monotonous than usual." Brent comments as we walk side by side and I look over at him, raising a brow. "What exactly is there to say?"

"I don't know, tell me about your life lately."

"Im not in the mood." I say dryly, life being the last topic in my head right now. Life meant everything, like the future too, and the future was scaring me right now.

I get to my first class eventually in step with Brenton, only sending a brief nod in his direction before I push the doors open and let it close behind me, ignoring everything around me for the rest of the day.

===

Its exactly one thirty when I am walking to the hall where all our art work was displayed to be evaluated and marked. And I was walking alone, holding my bags over my shoulders, looking at my feet to show people that I did not want to speak no matter the circumstances.

Today was not the best day. Surprisingly, it wasn't the worst either. I've had worser days, and I knew I did, I just tried to ignore those days lately because reminiscing on those days made me more depressed and lately i'd been happier.

But pushing things away didn't mean it wasn't there. It meant it was way at the back and eventually you'd find it and would have to address it.

I didn't want to do that.

I push the double doors open, almost turning back and walking right out when I see how crowded it was in here, and I'd realized most students were probably bunking their classes just to hang around here as an excuse.