LOVE UNIVERSE

Chapter 103

His lips trembled, parting to speak. But she cut off the chance by pulling him towards her until he buried his face in her shoulder and her arms wrapped tightly around his neck. He didn’t stop crying, he only accepted the hug as if he needed it to breathe. She brushed her hand gently over his back to comfort him, she found her body shaking and her eyes begging to drop tears at the sight of his messed state. She had no idea he was having such a hard time on his own.

“Now, now let it go. Let it all go. I know how hard it was...” She murmured sweet, supportive words in hope it would calm him. “We came a long way, didn’t we?”

That didn’t help. He only cried louder like a baby. She slightly rocked him for his comfort.

“Jin, you don't have to do anything. I-I'm not mad.”

She felt him stiffening when he heard that. He pulled himself back from her embrace and looked at her with pouffy face and red, teary eyes. He looked tensed, rigid, even his breathing.

Not letting go of his hands, she covered his hands with her own before finally telling him what she's been waiting for.

“After you d-died, I almost died too. The news of your death scarred me to bones. It felt awful and excruciating to think you were no longer beside me. Your suicide was very hard for me, Jin. As a matter of fact, I don't think anyone understands how hard it was honestly. When I was spending every day on our bed, wailing and clutching our memories to my heart, I was thinking why did I have to be so angry, why didn’t I talk it out with you, why did I resent you when it wasn’t your fault.”

His eyes glittered with a wet sheen.

“We both have done mistakes. Whatever happened didn’t happen because of you or me. Maybe it was meant to happen, maybe God wanted to test our patience. And if we did have faults, then it wasn’t either of us; it was both of us. Both of us failed, both of us hurt each other, both of us couldn’t handle it the right way.” She stared into his eyes, voice soft and light.

“After all this time, you're still the person I love undoubtedly. Even after the terror, I could never hate you. You're still a part of me.”

When he wasn’t saying anything, she started to think she was succeeding in what she intended. Because he wasn’t crying anymore. He wore a expression like he wasn’t expecting her kindness or forgiveness right now. He thought she was going to bash out on him. Maybe he did want to hear these words from her.

But he surprised her when he let out in his croaked voice,

“But I don't love you.”

Her face dissolved, as well her heart dropped to a baseless ground. She felt raw and exposed by the truth.

Seokjin removed her hands away from his as he lowered his gaze from her pleading stare. “I prepared myself before coming here. I prepared myself to leave you, to walk away as soon as I see you. I didn’t come here to make things right with you, Yoon Min.”

He spit out the next words without thinking, “And you shouldn’t forgive me. You aren't supposed to be fine with everything. You're supposed to hate me, hurt me, push me away. If I was in your shoes, I would've never forgiven someone who cheated on me, who took his life because he was a coward, who didn’t save his wife when she was all set to kill herself. You remember what I did, don't you?”

Taking a step away from her, he took a glance at her face. The flushed and blotchy cheeks, eyes lined with red shock swirled around with his own pain.

“J-Jin...”

Voice rushed and pleading, he choked out a sob, “I can't love you after everything I've done, Yoon Min. I've lost the right to be loved or to love anyone. I can't afford hurting you again. I've already died once trying to accept that I betrayed you. I don't know what will I do if I hurt you again...”