Spiderman Oneshots

Therapy

"I'm so scared," he admitted softly. "Every day, I'm so scared. What if next time, I am too late? When someone dies, and it's on me? I'm not fit to be a hero."

"Woah, Peter. If someone dies and you couldn't save them, that's not your fault. If there's an incident where one person dies and twenty five people survive, you haven't failed to save someone, you've succeeded in saving twenty five. Every single life you save is a success, not an expectation."

"But..." Peter bit his lip, scrambled brain searching for words.

"Just by existing, you have saved so many people. Coming close to losing one battle does not make you unfit to fight the war. Tough things happen, and when they do it's hard. But not everyone is your personal responsibility."

"They are, though," Peter said so quietly Sam barely caught it. Yikes, it was going to take more than one impromptu therapy session to undo that toxic mindset.

"Say we were all in a fight, and something happened to me. If you'd been a second faster you could have stopped it. Is that your fault?"

"Yes. I should have noticed sooner."

"Okay. And say the same thing happens, except it happens to you and I don't get there in time. Is that my fault?"

"No! It's my fault for not avoiding it myself, why would it be your.... fault... oh."

"Yeah. You're not a god, Peter. Things will happen, and sometimes you can't stop them. That doesn't make it your fault, unless you set that bomb or pulled that trigger, it's terrible, yes, but not something you're responsible for. Even if you hadn't managed to get to that little girl in time, if you hadn't managed to save her, her death is not on you."

"That's not what some people think," Peter muttered, and Sam suddenly remembered there was a news channel almost dedicated to slandering and belittling the spider hero. Yeah, that was definitely something he should address next time. 

"It's what I think. And it's alright to be upset if you can't save someone, but don't blame yourself. Sometimes these things are beyond our control."

"But-" and now Peter was tearing up again, jaw clenched in an almighty effort to hold them back. "I just- I can't lose anyone else, okay?"

"Anyone else?" Sam asked gently before he could stop himself. He knew so little about Peter, he didn't want to accidentally prod a sore point, which this was bound to be.

"Yeah," the tears were back at full flow. "First my parents when I was so young, and I hardly remember them and I feel like it's my fault. I could have done something to stop them from getting on the plane but I didn't and now they're dead and I barely even remember them even though they deserve to be remembered and loved but I can't because it was so long ago, and then I had to live with May and Ben, even though they never wanted children I ruined their lives and their plans and then Ben got shot and May's alone and it was my fault he was out and I didn't stop the guy with the gun and I still hear it and even when he was in my arms I couldn't save him because I didn't know how and if I'd just been a bit faster or less hasty.... I could have saved him. I could have saved them all."

The kid looked up at Sam with red-rimmed eyes through damp lashes. He choked out a humourless laugh at the horrified expression Sam tried to wipe away too late.

"It's actually kinda funny, isn't it," he grinned falsely, tears tracks silver on his cheeks, and there was nothing funny in his voice. "Everybody who loves me ends up dead, and I feel like I'm just waiting for whoever's next. I see it in my dreams; I'm always worried about May and Ned and Mr Stark and I'm scared to get too close to anyone else in case I can't save them either, because Parker luck, right? I kill everyone I touch!"

Peter laughed again, and the hollow sound was one of the worst things Sam had ever heard.

"And that's not to mention the claustrophobia form that time a warehouse was dropped on me!" he continued in a casual tone with a wide smile, leg jumping anxiously.

"Peter..." He murmured, not even sure where to begin with all that. The kid instantly went pale, blinking as he seemed to come back to himself.

"Sam. I'm so sorry-" he stood up quickly, still cradling the water glass. "I just completely unloaded all of that on you, I don't know what- why didn't you tell me to shut up?"

"Peter, it's fine! Well, it's not fine, but that's what I'm here to help with. I meant it when I said you could talk to me whenever. It's my job."

"It's not your job here, when you're at home! I just totally barged into your room and trauma dumped all over it, I'm so, so sorry!"

"Peter, wait-" but the kid was already backing towards the door, rambling at a mile a minute.

"Please don't tell Mr Stark about any of this, he already worries enough and I don't want to tell him anything bad because of his heart condition and oh gosh I really need to stop talking sorry again Mr Wilson this won't happen again I'm sorry bye!"

And he was gone.

Sam sat in his empty room for several minutes, processing everything, then he opened a fresh notebook and scrawled down as much as he could remember before turning to his calendar. There was definitely at least an hour a week he could free up as therapy sessions for Peter. Technically Sam shouldn't take on this role seeing as he knew Peter personally, but no regular therapist could know or understand the extent of Peter's problems, so he would have to do the best he could.

Late is better than never, and someone who understands is better than no-one at all. Peter definitely needed somebody to listen, and Sam would do his best to be that person.

Today is World Mental Health Day. Check in with your friends, make sure they know you're there for them. If you need help, talk to someone. It can feel like your problems are unimportant when you see or hear what other people are dealing with, but anything that's upsetting you, no matter how insignificant you think it is, is worth mentioning to somebody. If you don't want to or can't talk to a professional, ask a friend if they'd mind listening for a bit or sit down with a family member or phone one of the many available helplines. They're there to help, not judge. Asking for help is a strength, not something to be ashamed of. Please look after yourselves ♡