Chasing The Burn

Chapter 78

'Fizzer.

The first moment I met you, you had a Fizzer in your hand and a dimpled smile on your face. You melted my cold heart instantly. I didn't think at age 19, I'd go to war, but my life at home was worse than any war I've ever experienced. I made a friend for life when I had met you. 

I've lost my whole platoon, and it almost destroyed me - yet you were there to help me.

I almost stepped on a landmine, yet you were there to pull me away.

You've always been there for me, and sometimes I throw it back in your face and I'm sorry about that - but I appreciate you so very much. 

Fizzer, when I was 21, I had this dream - I never told you - we are out at camp, it's a cold night, starry sky. Looked so peaceful. In the background I heard bombs going off,  and then suddenly it was silent - a ringing in my ear. It was dark so I couldn't see, but I knew something had happened. I touched my face, but I couldn't feel skin. I looked around in a panic, and everyone was dead. Including you. Thank God I woke up then, because the very thought of losing you was worse than having my skin ripped off my face in a blast. 

Before Hails, you were the only person I could trust, the only person I could rely on. Still, sometimes, you're the only one I could confide in. My life before the Rangers was horrible, my life during the Rangers was not as bad, because of you. 

I'm sorry, I keep on rambling but I've never been good with words so just bear with me.

Truth is, Fizz, I'm not okay. I'm sorry I told you I'd be okay to go deep undercover, but after eight months without any contact with the outside world, I got lost in my head and I don't know how to pull myself out of it. 

You are my person, Sienna. Hailey is my wife and I love her so very much, but you're still my person. You have seen me at my worst and you stayed - so thank you. I love you. Thank you for being my person, for being the one I can rely on.

I guess I'm saying goodbye for now, Fizzy. I'm done with the undercover assignment - we got all the bad guys. But I need to be by myself now. Just for a while. I promise I will come back, I keep my promises - you know that.

I won't miss the birth of my best friend's child, and I won't abandon my wife, but I need time on my own to clear my head and to get rid of the demons.

I will come back, I swear.

So goodbye for now, Sienna Roberts. Thank you for everything and I'll see you soon.

Stay safe, and stay loved. You deserve all the happiness in the world.

Love you, always.

Jay.'

**

A sad smile forms on her lips as she reads the letter. Her best friend is chasing happiness and clarity, and for that she's thankful. He's been through so much in his life, and the demons have been following him around for many years. What he needs is to find solitude and peace. She might not agree with him leaving without Hailey, but she'd rather keep her opinions to herself. 

Some might think it's selfish, some might think he's running from life and its problems, but people should mind their own business. Sienna is used to running, she has been running for a while and only just stopped after coming to Chicago. Jay went from the army to the police academy to being a Chicago Cop. He hasn't had time to deal with his trauma and demons, and he needs to find solitude before the trauma eats him up.

**

Jay

Meeting you all those years ago was the best thing that has ever happened to me. My life was crazy, and terrible, and it all changed when I met you. You became my lifeline, my peace, my best friend. I knew I could put up with anything life throws at me because I have you by my side.

Your happiness matters to me. I promise you I will keep Hailey safe even though we both know that girl is a trooper and she can handle about anything. 

Go find your peace and happiness, and then come back to us. 

Even though we're both married and I will soon start a family, it doesn't mean anything has changed between us. You're still my person, and I will forever love you.

Be back soon, and stay safe out there. 

I'm proud of you. Remember that. I am very proud of you, and I love you more than words can describe.

Always your best friend

Fizzer.

***

Goodbye for now Jay Halstead.

This story is almost finished. Next chapter out soon xx