Chasing The Burn

Chapter 42

"I am so sorry"

He feels like a small kid again, receiving bad news can make anyone feel like a kid. You cry a bit, get spoiled with kisses and hugs, and immediately feel better. 

Unfortunately when you're an adult, you might not always get the kisses and the hugs. You might not always receive a consolation prize. The bad news remain bad, it can get worse, but not always better.

"She didn't make it"

**

Kelly wakes up from the nightmare. His forehead is damp from cold sweat. An hour ago Matt forced him to go home to get some sleep.Kelly definitely does not have the energy to work his shift in a few hours and when he called to ask, Boden immediately granted leave to him, knowing Kelly will be too out of it to work anyway.

His heart clenches at the empty space next to him. If circumstances were different, Sienna would be next to him right now, and she'd be tucked under his arm in a warm cuddle. 

He misses her.

It's only been a week since the shooting but he has never felt so empty. She's just a presence right now, all alone in a hospital bed, and he's here, barely living without her boisterous laugh.

Please Shay, send her back down if she's halfway up there. I'm begging you.

When his phone rings, he all but fall out of bed trying to reach it in time. His phone has become glued to his hand in hopes for updates on his girl.

So far there has been zero updates, frustrating him to the core.

Without looking at the caller I.D, he answers immediately.

"This is Severide"

"Kelly!" Upon hearing the voice, he rolls his eyes but keeps quiet. "I'm glad I caught you, I have a case I'm working on right now and could definitely use your-"

"I don't have the time or energy. Find someone else" He snaps at Seager and disconnects the call immediately.

Quickly taking a shower, he changes into jeans and the first long sleeved shirt he could find in his messy cupboard, he gets ready for the day knowing Sienna would want a clean, shaven, fiancé.

Because she will wake up.

She will.

She fucking has to.

**

"Sienna is the backbone of this hospital" Maggie says softly. Jay is still angry at the world, and after lashing out when his brother, and Sienna's doctor, told them that there are still no new updates on her condition, Hayley finally forced him to go home to sleep.

Maggie and Ben and Kelly are left alone in the waiting room and he's starting to hate the walls of this place. It reminds him of death, and grief, and he can't stand it.

"She will laugh it off and deny it, but she really is. This hospital is quiet, and serious when she's not here. Despite being a world class surgeon, she's also funny and loud and energetic and she creates a presence that leaves as soon as she leaves. Before she started working here, we weren't a family. We just came in, did what we had to do, and left. But she started inviting us for drinks and dinners and we all became friends. She's the glue and without her we're falling apart...

"...When I had cancer, she was the first person I told other than Sharon, and I was determined to do it alone, but then she just started coming to chemo treatments with me, and she used all her free time to research about surgeries and remedies and stuff. I never once went through it alone, and she has to. I can't research how to save my friend's life. I can't research facilities that will help her. I'm useless here and I hate it." Maggie cries in Ben's shoulder as he tries to console her and suddenly Kelly feels all alone.

He wants to hold Sienna right now, and kiss her. He wants to hear her laugh and feel her body melting into his. 

"We were supposed to go cake testing yesterday. Sienna joked that she would want fizzer flavor, and when I told her there was probably not a cake like that, she said she's going to bake a cake for our wedding."

Kelly cracks a sad grin, "I'm supposed to get married to her in a couple of months, but I'm not even sure if I'd be able to."

"Don't say that" Ben whispers, "She's going to live a long life."

**

She's going to live a long life

As the doctors scurry around in the trauma room, the sound of a machine flatlining rings in their ear.

"Come on, Roberts. Stay with us" Choi continues to do compressions on the blonde. The surgery wasn't a success, and the stitches did not hold around her neck wound. She's bleeding internally around her chest and needs coronary artery bypass surgery.

"Switch with me" Choi says as sweat pools on his forehead, he has been doing compressions on her chest for an hour now, but she's still flatlining.

"Get me the crash cart"

"You know her heart can't handle that" Halstead pants, "Compressions until her surgery. That's all we can do"

Choi sighs, "Page every cardiothoracic surgeon there is, and even if you have to forcefully clear an operating room, you do that because she needs this surgery right now!" Choi tells a nurse. 

"Copy"

**

"Kelly, Jay" Sharon walks up to the two men in the waiting room. 

"How is she?" Kelly gets to his feet immediately, followed by Jay. 

"She's going up to surgery now. Doctor Keegan is one of the best cardiothoracic surgeons at Med, and he's positive that the next surgery will be a success."

"That's what they said about the first surgery" Kelly murmurs, wiping a few angry tears.

"I know" Sharon whispers at a loss of words, "I'll keep you two updated."

**

The hospital is suddenly suffocating him. He's struggling to breathe as the four walls feel smaller and smaller. 

"I need air" Kelly tells Jay and walks out of the hospital without another word. What he needs now is a bottle of Tequila but he knows that is only a temporary fix.

He sits outside on the small bench in front of the hospital. 

"Shay" He whispers looking up at the sky as tears cascade down his stubbled cheeks. 

"I'm begging you, she can't die." His voice breaks, "If you can just put a good word up there for her. She's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I need her" He sniffs, "Please just put a good word up there. I can't lose her."

"I miss you so much, Shay. You were my best friend, and if you were here right now you'd be my best woman. But I know you're here in spirit, and I need you to help me once more. Please, don't let her die."

But her heart is weak, and she's losing too much blood. 

Meanwhile, the doctors are still working on Sienna in the operating room. 

Sienna's blood is staining their white surgical gloves as they try to fix the tears in her heart.

The alarm goes off again, creating more panic.

"Dammit, she's coding!"

"Push two of epi"

"No! Dammit, Sienna. Hold on. Hold on"

**