Heal me // A Jikook Trilogy //

《79》And So Faintly You Came Tapping

I know, I know, I have already written an entire book from her POV, but this just needs to be in here.
I am a sucker for cliché badass heroines

LIAN POV

I was afraid.

I would not be human if this wouldn't scare me.
I was going to let myself be taken by the most feared person in Seoul.

There would be pain.
But I meant what I told my family.
I would not let Suho break me.

And my plan was the best one.
Not even Namjoon had been able to find a fault in it, even as he tried his best.
He had taught me well.
Too well perhaps.

Because here I was, having buried the fear and every other emotion deep.
So deep, I felt numb.
I looked out the window as Tae drove in silence and felt very little.

And yet I was aware that the boy next to me felt it all.
Felt fear and terror and panic.
He must be feeling as I had when I believed Taehyung to be dead and my family broken.

And deep down I knew it was wrong to ask this of them.
To make him let me head into danger willingly.
But once I made the decision, there was no turning back for me.
It was something I had to do.

For myself, to prove that I earned my place among them.
For them too, so they would finally understand that I was no longer the sweet girl they met all this time ago.

I was Raven now.
I had become her fully when I watched the light go out in my brother's eyes.

It had changed me in ways that scared me.
But there was no turning back.
No ignoring the darkness of my soul anymore.

I glanced to the side.
To the boy I loved more than my life.
The boy who had once taken my choices away, and was now going against the very things he believed and was, to assure I would get to make my choice- even if it destroyed him.

"I'll be fine, Tae."

I had said it a thousand times those last few days.
And every time, Tae had said nothing.
Only paled further.

His knuckles were all but white as he gripped the steering wheel tightly, his lips equally pale as he kept them pressed together tightly.

I swallowed hard and forced the rising emotions down.
No.
I couldn't let him stop me.
I had to help end this war once and for all, even though I knew what would happen to me.

Physical pain, mental torture and something else.
Something I had asked Hwasa about while the girl cried in my arms and begged me not to go.
If Tae knew what I was willing to do.... No.

The choice was made.
There was no turning back.
For my family.
For our future.

I didn't fail to notice how Tae had slowed the car, driving way below the speed limit as though to avoid reaching our destination.
Drawing out the moment he would have to truly let me go.

But he kept on driving and the prison came into view, the brick walls thick and surrounded by a high, iron and spiked fence, several police officers standing guard in front as we pulled into the visitor parking slot.

The car came to a stop.
The engine was killed.
Silence fell, but Tae still didn't move, still gripping the steering wheel tight, every line of his body tense as a bow-string, his face ashen pale.

"Lian," he choked out, his voice grave and full of desperation, finally turning to me.
And the utter despair in his eyes... I locked the walls down hard.