Heal me // A Jikook Trilogy //

《16》Another Path

Okay, another disclaimer and warning: this time self harm and suicide attempt.

So sorry guyyyys.

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It was so, so quiet, and yet the screaming in my head wouldn't lessen, not for a second.
I used to hate it- the silence.
But it seemed so stupid now.

Silence was all I wanted.
I sat on my bed in my room, staring at the object in front of me.
It would be so easy- to make it all go silent.
I wondered why I was hesitating.
There was really no reason for me to wait.
Why waste one more second?

It would be quick.
And then only silence-

I wouldn't hear Jimin's begging, his screams, his moans of pain.

I wouldn't have to see his bloodied face and still body or the wide, shocked eyes as I threw my first punch.

I wouldn't be haunted by the sound of his laughter or the sight of his sparkling eyes that I would never get to see again.
Just silence.
Quiet.

I reached for the cold handle and wrapped my still bruised, aching hands around it.
There was still blood on them.
Jimin's blood, mixed with my own.
I hadn't taken a shower- why should I have bothered?

I had woken up in my room, covered in my own vomit and not left it.
Thankfully, no one had come see me.

If anyone of X-EXO had, I couldn't tell what I would have done.
If Suho had come... I would have picked that knife up sooner.

I stared at it now- the gleaming blade.
One of Baekhyun's.
He had so many of them, he wouldn't even notice he had forgotten one in my room.
I should thank him for it, but I was counting on never seeing him again.

I should do it now.
Who would care anyway?
I would leave no one behind who would mourn me.
I would only relief my own pain.
I took a deep breath and felt so very little as I sat the blade to my wrist.

But yet again- I hesitated.
Waited- for what, I didn't know.

Perhaps because I was just a coward, just like Jimin had told me on our last day at the rooftop.

His face came again, flickering in front of my face with a thousand different expression until there was only the last one.
His face mangled, his body broken.

I put pressure on the blade and a thin line of blood immediately started to well up.
The pain was, for the first time, so relieving.

The knock came so unexpected, I hiccupped and almost let the blade slip out of me hand.
But I held on to it as the door opened.
If it was Suho...

It wasn't.
It was someone I had never seen before.

Tall of statue with a bulky build, his hair bleached silver, but shimmering just a trace of purple. He wore a long, brown coat and underneath I could see the close-fitted black sweater with a turtle neck.
He looked imposing as he took a step in, but in his eyes flickered something warm.

"May I come in?"

His voice held a dark vibrancy, only adding warmth to him.
I didn't say anything.
Mostly because my voice was raw and broken.
Apparently, even as I had passed out, I'd been screaming in my dreams.

He nodded, apparently taking my silence as permission and closed to the door behind him.
His eyes immediately fell on the knife in my hand and something flashed in his eyes.
A pain, so potent and bright.