Heal me // A Jikook Trilogy //

《5》The Pain I Know

I shouldn't be up here.

For two weeks, I'd stayed well clear of the rooftop, but today... Something had just snapped inside me and I had to come up here.

The weather had cooled further and I hugged the jacket around my body to savour the warmth it gifted me.
My mind, however, would not calm down even here.

Ever since Suho had mentioned that other Gang- BTS, as I had learned they called themselves- I had tried to find out everything about them.
This could be it.
This could be my ticket to rise in the ranks.
If I could find out what Namjoon had planned and when I told Suho, I could finally prove myself to him: as a valuable and trusted member of X-EXO.

But all I had come up with was the same information Suho already knew.

Namjoon, now going by RM, had taken up residence in an old, abandoned Junkyard at the border of Goru-Gu.
His little group of misfits consisted of only three others.

There was Jin, apparently a run away from home, J-Hope, a multimillionaire son who didn't fit the picture of a gang member at all, and Suga, whom I had actually seen perform at a night-club once, mixing some sick beats.

I still had a hard time believing that Suho was afraid of four boys!
But even after extensive research ... I'd come up with nothing.
Nada.
So either Suho was being overly paranoid, or Namjoon was truly brilliant.

"So. You finally decided to talk to me then?"

I flinched and rose to a sitting position like a rebound ball, but didn't turn.
I knew who it was.
Of course I knew the only other person I ever met up here.

"Go away."

Jimin did no such thing, chuckling before he came walking around to stand before me, hands casually buried in his pockets and- damn him for smiling again!

"May I sit?"'

"No."

He sat right next to me like I hadn't even spoken.
Geez, he was one annoying bastard.
A bastard whose eyes I couldn't meet as he made himself comfortable, leaning back on his elbows again.

"How have you been?"

This time, I didn't do anything to hide the incredulous chuckle and shook my head.

"Seriously? Are you slow to understand that I don't want anything to do with you? You're annoying the shit out of me. Now piss off, I gotta think!"

"Hey! Not fair. I gave you more than two whole weeks. Am I not considerate, hmm?"

I tried not to, and yet my eyes skipped up to his.
It hit me like a wrecking ball.

A memory that was blurred, distorted but still there.
Of a pretty brunette whose lips changed- whose entire body changed as I looked at her.

Don't you think I'm pretty?

Shit... how could I have forgotten?
It was probably only because he annoyed the shit out of me that I had conjured him up that day.
Only the drugs fucking up my brain and making me see things I despise.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I'm not looking at you."

"Yeah. You are. Like you just saw a ghost. I mean... yeah I get it with the white hair and all, but trust me, I'm very much alive."

"Geez you are so weird."

"So are you," Jimin threw back and that smile grew in radiation.

I should stand and leave.
Yeah... I should get up right now and leave this weird, persistent annoyance sitting alone on the roof.
But my body wouldn't move, only my traitorous lips.