Heal me // A Jikook Trilogy //

《28》With Guidance from a Deity

I blamed it on todays happenings.

First the mention of Lisa, then Joy's appearance.
All those reminders, all those moments where I was plagued by memories I could never forget, faces that still laughed at me, called me Bunny and enjoyed my pain with glittering eyes...

I just wanted silence.
Just wanted to be nothing for a while.

I had always needed these moment.
Moments where there was just me and my thoughts.
Just silence surrounding me.

I had found a room on the top floor that was empty and hushed inside.
I left the lights turned off and sat on the bed where I buried my head in my hands.

Like I could make the world stop spinning for a moment.

Where I could forget everything: the Orphanage, sleeping under a bridge during winter, being found by Suho, being part of a cruel empire and seeking their acceptance.
Even meeting Jimin.
I just, for a moment, didn't want to even think about him.
All the things that happened.
All the times I hurt him, again and again.

A sudden, unexpected touch to my shoulders had me scramble back in rushing fear.
I had been so deep in my past, a touch like this reminded me only of the pain I felt back then.

But when my eyes adjusted, it was no other than Lian sitting on the bed beside me.

I let our a relieved breath, and then quickly lowered my eyes.
I knew it was in them that she would see how fucked up I was.

"It's you."

"I noticed you were missing and decided to look for you."

Her voice was so soft, so unlike the person that had knocked down Joy just a few hours ago.

I still couldn't look at her, ruffling my hair instead and clearing my throat, trying to put on a fake smile for her.

"I just needed a moment. But we can go back now if you want. "

I already made a move to stand but she stopped me gently with a soft push to my chest.
I swallowed thickly.
I should have known better.
Lian was too smart to be fooled.
She knew something was up.

"Why don't you tell me why you were up here in the first place?"

"Nothing. I just needed a moment of silence and be able to... forget."

"Forget Jimin?"

I tensed.
How she knew so quickly, I couldn't tell.
Perhaps Tae had told her a bit.
But only hearing his name in a moment like this hurt.

Jimin is pain.

I shook my head, trying to keep my voice from shaking.

"Forget everything."

"Trying to forget won't make what happened any less true."

"You don't know the things I want to forget."

"You mean beating Jimin?"

My head snapped around to her, not sure I heard right.
She chuckled gently, gifting me a little smile.

"You guys keep forgetting how curious I am."

It took me a moment, but then I understood, letting out a groan.
No, it wasn't Tae who had told her about this.

"Hwasa told you, didn't she? As much as you are curious, she is talkative. Ah," I let out, blood rushing to my face in embarrassment.
"She probably also told you I haven't slept with her, hasn't she?"