Noorur-rahman

Shadows Of The Past

It’s infinity worse because she was too young and too weak to fight back; all she can do was pray for the pain to stop, when screaming for help seemed useless, Noor can still hear the painful sound of hers scream, she still wonder if no one had really heard her until it was all done, when her inside felt as if it's being branded with hot metallic iron. Indeed, she was branded, damaged in the process of her useless struggle to free herself.

Time is a cruel mistress when you are suffering; every second stretches into what feels like an eternity. When the act was done, the pain last for days, and the trauma will always gnaw in the back of the mind. Noor's truly never the same, no matter how many years have passed, especially when she have to pretend all is well.

Hajiya Atika did not made her son Salisu to  raped her, which is true. But she kept quiet and manipulated the situation. Noor can still remember the moment Hajiya finally came to her rescue, her eyes were barely opened, though she can still remember how flustered the woman was. She had whispered yelled at her demon of a son, oh he's pure evil. "What on earth are you're doing Salisu?" Yes, Hajiya had cried, slapped him a crossed the face, but that didn't help Noor, not one bit.

Especially, since Hajiya Atika had explained how worthless she has finally became by opening her legs to her uncle. "You provoked him!" Hajiya had said while she's seat-bathing the still shock stricken  Noor. Her brain was almost dead, while her worthless uncle only got away with a simple slap on his face. The damned basta*d still laugh at her face.

"You're impure, Nuratu. Not even Allah is happy with you. You're a very bad girl now, just as bad as your unkind mother who left us a burden. Who would want a child like you? She knew you will turn bad that's why she left." Noor agreed, every single word after all she was too young, right and wrong were just starting to make sense to her. The young Noor was learning from the adult, what they said is right, is what's  right. Likewise wrong, Hajiya had made show she believed everything she wanted her to. And Noor believed she really provoked her uncle to do that to her, but how?  She'll always wonder. How did she provoked that monster?

Her child mind can not understand why that had to happened her, why she's touched in such a despicable manner. Everything was hard to compress, so hard that she lost touch of reality. And for the first time Hajiya Atika let sleep on her big bed just to monitor her. She'll lay there for hours with her eyes wide open, that's how her days went by, other than using the restroom, Noor had no strength to do anything. Her little world was put in confusion. Nothing was longer comprehensible.

It took her days, days to to come to terms with her new normal, days of Hajiya Atika treating with whatever herbal medicine she's making her drink, days of her step-grandmother's brainwashing. It took her ten days to cry, that morning when she finally broke down, she hasn't talked since that day. Naturally, Noor has always been a girl of few words, unless really like talking to you. It became worst, because after what happened with her that day, Noor doesn't know if it's okay for her to talk. Who would she even talk to? Her abbah was thousands of miles away from her, and she have never felt so lonely in her life like had felt then.

Eid-ul-adha came, and she witness everyone's laughter, excitement for the return of the year. Even Salisu was there, happy and mingling with his family and friends. And that confuses Noorur-rahman even more, she could not even get out of bed or even look into anyone's eyes. But the guy, her perpetrator, he's okay, happy even. Then she began to assume whether it's a nightmare she lived in her dream and nothing as such happened. But that much physical and mental pain can not just came from a dream.

It did happened!

As the days rolled in and the day of abbah's return became closer, Hajiya Atika became more anxious. Therefore,  she sent her son away, back to the military service he's trying to quit. When abbah finally came back from hajj, he could suspect nothing. Though Noor wasn't the same person she's before he left. She's became withdrawn and depressed. Abbah assumed she still hasn't recovered from her earliest trauma caused by his ex-wife. What he didn't know was that his daughter was shattered and broken and his stepmother had glued back the broken pieces with lies and deceit that later corrupted the girl's innocent mind.