Sliding Doors - 2 (English Version)

Chapter 34

Josephine

"I don't want to talk to him, Mia, just... please don't tell me again!" I snapped for the umpteenth time.

It's been five days since Hero left L.A.
I'm trying to pretend that nothing happened, and most of all, I'm pretending to be in control of my life, which is completely false because of how bad I feel.
I spend the night crying and I think it's noticeable from the dark circles that I find myself in the morning when I wake up.

"You're out of line, Jo! He didn't do anything, and you know I wouldn't tell you if I didn't mean it!" 

"I'm not exaggerating! It was inevitable that it would end like this..."

"No, it wasn't inevitable! Only when you're scared and can't control everything, you run away! You always do!"

"That's not true!" I said, looking at her very badly "That's absolutely not true!"

"Ah no? Didn't you run away when Timoty senior year told you he liked you? Or when you enrolled in the Karate course and were told that to rise in rank you would have to take a surprise exam? or..."

"Okay okay, I get it, but it's not the same..."

"Jo seriously... must I continue? Do you know that I have two thousand more examples! Always do so!"

"That's not true... with Hero it couldn't work!"

"Why do you run away every time you're okay? Run away as soon as things start to get more serious..."

I sigh and throw myself on the sofa with my hands on my face.
The tears start to fall again.
I don't know, I don't know why I've been doing this my whole life... I'm like this!
It sounds like an excuse, but it's true.
We are two distant worlds that cannot coincide.
He among parties, movies and who knows what else around the world.
Two thousand friends scattered in every corner waiting to see him and to go out with him.
Girls, girls everywhere who seem to accompany him everywhere.
Friends, fans, relatives... anyone.
Am I jealous?
Oh my God yes... But not only that... I feel insecure. So insecure.
He could find tons of girls better than me.
Model.
Famous actresses.
Important people in the show.
Anyone.
We only got closer because we made movies together.
He would never have looked at me otherwise.
I'm sure.

"You cry because you realized you fucked up?" Mia comes to me "Because you know it's true?"

Always clear, direct and coinciding.
This time she's wrong though.
I was in danger of getting really, really hurt.
I was right to close before it was too late.

"I saw you together..." she sighs "I've never seen you so happy before! I don't understand why you have to stop yourself from being happy..."

"Because..." the words don't come out, I don't even know what I want to say.
I've seen so many of my friends suffer for love, and I swore to myself, years ago, that I would never suffer like this.
I wouldn't just let anyone break my heart.
So the only solution is to run away before it's too late.
Generally it has always been easy, I have never been too carried away by emotions...
This time with Hero the risk is very high.
I love him, I can't lie to myself. I really love him. And yet I'm not ready to face this.
I'm not and I don't know if I'll ever be.

"Because you think you're avoiding suffering... but if you look closely, you're already experiencing it! To avoid it, you're making it yourself..." She takes two cups and some cookies, puts them on the coffee table in front of me...

"Tea?" I ask

Everything, literally everything reminds me of him.

"Yes, why? Do you have something against tea now?"