Jennie
Someone approaches me. I see his shiny Nordstrom shoes before raising my eyes to meet his.
"Hey there," he says, smiling broadly. My breath catches in surprise.
"What are you doing here?"
"I was invited."
"Invited? By who, Mino?"
"Yes. We got in touch the other day. A last minute invite, but hell, I wouldn't miss it for the world."
"Oh." I lower my eyes again, feeling uncertain and a little awkward beneath his gaze. I suddenly don't know what to do with my arms, so I cross them in front of me.
"Are you here with that, um... your friend?" he asks, his voice low. It's as if he thinks my friend is nearby and may overhear, but I quickly squash the idea.
"No, she couldn't make it." I leave it at that, figuring it's none of his business.
"Oh. Well, where are you sitting?" he asks, gathering hope from my words. I frown at him, truly muddled by his persistence.
"I'd really rather not sit together, Hanbin," I say. I keep my voice steady and even, hoping to convey my certainty in this decision.
He looks confused. "How come?"
"I'm not sure what Jisoo told you the other day, but I'm not looking for a relationship. I think I need to just need to think about myself for a little while." I don't bother bringing up the past - how he left me before - because it's old news and I'd rather not go there. I don't have to lay out all the reasons why I don't want to be with him anymore. I just don't.
"I never said anything about a relationship," he says quickly. He's offended, but I don't care. An encounter with him is the last thing I wanted today.
"Then what are you getting at?"
"Can't I just talk to you? What, we can't be friends now?"
I study him a moment. Can we be friends, after everything that's happened? Is that really what he wants?
And is that something that I want?
Maybe one day, but it's simply not something I desire at the moment.
"Not right now," I say plainly. I don't worry about sparing his feelings - I feel as though mine have been stomped and trampled, and repairing them has left no energy for taking care of others. He's a big boy. He can deal with it.
But at his wounded expression I quickly add, "Maybe one day."
"Whatever you say, Jennie," he says, unconvinced. He looks irritated. "I just hope that Lila person treats you well."
I gape at him. Lila? Lila? Who the hell is named Lila? He obviously got the name wrong on purpose...and I want to smack him for it. Not to mention he is unknowingly throwing the unpleasant memories from last night right in my face.
I straighten, standing at my full height and then some with my three inch heels - though I'm still nearly a head shorter than him - and look him squarely in the eyes. I see a prime opportunity to lash out at him, to say something nasty - to perhaps throw our past in his face and make him feel guilty. I see an opportunity to bring him down with me as far as our wrongdoings are concerned.
But will that give me the satisfaction I seek? Or should I be the bigger person, just this once, and let it go?
He stares at me, his eyes challenging. He knows what he's just done and he's waiting for me to react. But I won't do it. There's nothing to gain from making another person feel shitty, except that it makes me feel a little shitty as well. It's just wrong; I see that now.
"Her name is Lisa, Hanbin," I say calmly. I'm surprised at how even and kind my voice sounds. "And thank you. I wouldn't settle for anything less."
Hanbin's jaw tenses and slackens. He clearly was not expecting such a comment, but his surprise is well-contained as I brush past him to find Jisoo and Hae-in. I feel his eyes boring into my back but, thankfully, he does not follow.
Jisoo and Hae-in are sitting side-by-side, holding hands and talking quietly. They're not arguing, for once, and the way they lean towards each other while conversing in hushed voices is kind of... sweet.
I clear my throat to alert them to my presence and take a seat. They both pull back and smile at me. People are slowly filling in the seats around us.
"You okay, Jennie?" Hae-in asks. "I saw you talking to Hanbin..."
"I'm fine," I say quickly, cutting her off. I give her a tight smile, but in all honesty I really am fine. It actually felt good to do something that was good for me - something that was honest and mature and left us both feeling like good people when it was over.
"Okay," she says, smiling gratefully. She believes me.
A few more people make their way over to us, and we entertain ourselves with idle chatter as the time for the wedding draws near. My father takes a seat next to me just minutes before the ceremony begins, his usually composed demeanour frazzled and rushed.
"I didn't think I was going to make it in time," he whispers hurriedly. "I left over four hours ago! I was worried I'd have to stand in the back. Thank you for saving me a seat."
My dad's left knee is bad, an ailment worsened by the constant rain, and standing on it for an extended amount of time would have been torturous. I give him a reassuring smile.
"Of course."
