Dreamland Review Archive

Reye's Butterfly (CLO)

III. Blurb

I enjoy this little blurb. It is not really complex, and we only get a character look, not that much into the setting or atmosphere. I like an artistic approach to blurbs so I kind of wished you could put more butterfly references than just the fear, "butterfly effect," and "flies." Perhaps you could make the blurb a bit longer and maybe say like "colors masking the faith" or, idek what I am doing at this point, just an atmosphere where the butterflies flourish in the story.

I will ask you this, please do add a content warning in your blurb or on top of each chapter so people know what they will get into (we want to stay mindful of others) since it is rated for maturity. Not a jab at you, just something I strongly recommend so it helps out your readers.

IV. First Sentences

PERFECT! Like I said in the blurb section, I really want those butterfly references and you executed it here in the first sentences. What I love is that you painted butterflies in this new light as in our time, many people see butterflies as gentle, beautiful, good luck, and bringing happiness. There is this quote I heard a while ago, not 100% sure who it was that said this, that you shouldn't trust the people that give you butterflies as it shows your body being anxious or nervous around them, a sense of danger. It reminded me of these first sentences.

*   *   *   *   *

Shall we begin? SO. You just requested a general look at your story, so I will do so! Message me (PM) to let me know if you have any specific questions.

Okay so right off the bat, I am noticing some wording and run-on sentence structures going on. There is this super long sentence, "I tend to back off...", which I feel could be chopped up into separate sentences. I will also say this for originality, if someone has a fear for a while, they wouldn't mention it all of a sudden. What I am saying is like if the person has brown hair and they comb their hair, they wouldn't be thinking like "I comb my brunette hair that has lightly touched up roots" since they have had it for a while. This is geared towards the "I have a bad case of lepidopterophobia... I start to run away due to the the anxiety." Also, you have that repeating "the" in there which needs to be fixed. She would just step back a bit, not really having to mention her anxiety or fear. Another note, there is that flashback to kindergarten which I don't think is necessary and feels more like an info-dump. Furthermore, I love the POC representation with Ruby and Vlad, glad to see it here! I love that way of description of the Earth transitioning to the winter.

Now for the first chapter... I am not sure how I feel. It is not very bad, but I can't give it a good message. It was like you had the ideas and could execute them properly, but I felt it was lacking those elements. The setting was not emphasized, characters came off bland as I couldn't see much depth with them except for the main character but just people of her fear. I do love the sense of adolescence where they are twirling, enjoying the weekend, and having fun with each other. It does fit for that teen fiction idea, but I just feel that it is the only depth I am feeling. A big driving point for me, taking me away from the plot, is the grammatical errors with wording and sentence structures. I recommend going back and editing it since there are some easy fixes to make that will ensure a better result.

Moving onto the second chapter, I love the utilization of the friend's wanting for fun and missing the past, the setting of winter fits a lot more there. Though may I say, "nostalgic and gloomy" are like juxtapositions here since nostalgic moments are sweeter and fuller of happiness while gloomy is darker and less on the happiness, basically I am confused on their positions here. Again, I am noticing those run-on sentences; a note, just putting commas in long sentences doesn't fully help it since it then gets too "list-y" where the reader gets drained from it. Cutting the sentence's length is easier to read and more enjoyable. Okay, I will say this, this is like the first time I said this in a review, I do think the dialogue tags are a bit too common in this chapter alongside the previous chapter. I will give you this, I do love how the themes and ways the character thinks and speaks is very fitting for a teenager as it follows what many teens think about daily. Within chapter three, you came back to that reference of the butterflies which is absolutely key to enhancing the ideas and making sure everything stands out well.

In my overall opinion, I am not too happy but not sad. The story has its ups and downs, but too many areas like grammatical errors, characters, and writing style. Though I do commend you for making it an easier read and not complicative with your word choice, I do feel that it is lacking that attraction to get the story rolling. The characters came off too bland for me and not much diversity in depth. I know it is too early to ask for a character arc, but I do feel that there should be some references in the first chapters in order to make sure readers begin to find that liking for the story.

* * * * *

Now for my takeaway. I like to keep these short and sweet for you to be able to come back to and just quickly see what you might want to take from this review.

1. Improvements to help:

a. Wording being slightly confusing and grammatical errors are causing issues with the plot's motion

b. Try to minimize the information dumping since it will cause the readers to have to step away from the action. Try putting it in more relaxed scenes and keeping it less than a paragraph or a paragraph at most. Sprinkling it in, you know.

c. Dialogue tags don't have to be everywhere, they can occasionally be there for the readers to know who is speaking, but not all dialogues need dialogue tags.

d. Need more depth: Characters, setting, dynamics, straying away from bland characteristics in characters, the butterflies being more symbolic in the story and show in various forms, how the fear truly affects our MC.

2. My personal opinions of the work:

a. I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it. A lot was going on with the errors that kept the plot from growing and continuing fluidly. The concept is such a perfect concept of utilizing butterflies and the fear, but I wished at the beginning it would try to show the character dynamics and arc. To have butterflies' references, you should try to use it in more of a symbolic way that affects the character since the concept is beautiful.

And that is all I have to say. If anything, you can message me through PM or through here (you will have to tag me for me to get the notification) for any additional coverage that you would like me to discuss. That is all from me for now!

Have a great day and hope you enjoy this little review of mine!