Loving a Dangerous Life (editing)

Chapter 41 - War

How many times can a shoulder be dislocated until the tendons all snap?

All I am worth are these fucked up science experiments, especially so since I lost my baby. I am worthless.

I know that I can't shoot anyone, but if it comes down to it, I can wack them on the head with the gun.

The door flew open, and fear surged through me. The familiar face of Ivor swam into my broken view, fear paralyzing me. I couldn't look at his face.

I don't want any more pain. I can't-

I looked back up, about to beg Ivor to kill me right now, but I didn't meet his eyes.

I met Alexander's eyes. I saw his brown curly hair, the sharp jawline, and the mathematically perfect features both father and son shared. They looked almost the same except for their eyes.

Alex's eyes are blue, such a blue that I get lost in them. They calm me, center me. Alex's eyes warm me and show me care, instead of the cold merciless laughter Ivor's eyes hold.

Alex...

I needed to feel him, touch him, be held by him. I needed him. The feeling was so overwhelming that I didn't realize I moved. Suddenly, I was in Alex's arms. My body shook from the sudden movement, but I didn't care.

I didn't care.

I allowed myself to be vulnerable then. I allowed each and every little wall around me to collapse as I used the little strength I had left to cling to Alex. I allowed him to see me as I really was. Scared, tired, hurt, and giving up.

Alex held me close to him, despite the sounds of gunshots around us. He made it so that I didn't have to support my own weight as my face was hidden in his chest. I couldn't help the few tears that slipped out.

He was here... He was really here.

I was scared that this was a dream, but he felt so real. His scent was so real. The feeling of his hard muscles was so real. The soft, worried look in his eyes, was real.

I ignored the pain and pulled back to study him. My hands cupped his face, my broken fingers seeming to frame his cheeks perfectly. He frowned, studying the painful cut on my cheek while the arm that was wrapped around my waist drew circles on my bloody skin.

Everything hurts, but it suddenly seems more bearable with him here.

"Alex, oh god, Alex," I couldn't help but repeat his name over and over with my broken voice.

Just like that, I could feel my dark thoughts shift. They were still there and would be there for a while, but now there was this tiniest prick of light in the dark. There was a tiny hope of life in the middle of death.

Maybe I would be able to wish Alex a happy birthday, after all.

My eyes skipped over his form. His hair was messy and long, and the beginnings of a beard showed on his cheeks. His eyes were red and puffy, and I could tell that he had lost some weight. His uniform clung to his body, but still outlined his muscles perfectly.

"I thought Zenna said that you were too weak to stand," He said. His eyes skipped over my body and I felt self-conscious.

Alex pulled his uniform jacket off and then his shirt. Despite the situation, seeing his muscular chest made my mouth go dry.

He was distracting me, and it was just what I needed.

Alex handed me his shirt, and I pulled it on over my ruined underwear. The next thing was his ring, which slipped over my neck and settled into its rightful place on my collarbone. I almost teared up as I watched him put the necklace on me.

I'm so tired.

"I need a gun, this one's not loaded, I just thought it looked more intimidating," I croaked. Alex pulled something out of his uniform. It looked like a protein shake. I ignored the pain in my body and back as I shook my head. "I haven't been able to keep anything down sin- since." I shook my head again, looking down. The words were stuck in my throat. Alex must be so ashamed of me. As gunshots echoed in the hallways, Alex pulled me towards him. I crashed into his chest and he hugged me. I closed my eyes.

I felt safe in his embrace.

I felt loved.

"I know, Princess." He said, almost shouting to be heard over the gunshots. I nodded, the pain almost too much to bear as I stole one of his guns. I wanted to curl up into a ball and just let the darkness overtake me, but I couldn't. I wrapped one of my arms around his waist, hoping I would never have to let go again as I shot down the guards running at him. My shoulder fucking burned. He kissed my forehead, his soft lips, and gentle hug something I needed so badly.

He was really here...

Suddenly, the building rocked and I stumbled. My shoot went wide and the bullet clanged on the metal stairs as part of the ceiling fell in. Alex swore, pulling me into his arms again. I started as more and more of the ceiling fell. I couldn't hear what Alex was saying as he turned us around, lacing his fingers with mine and encouraging me to run. I almost sobbed as each step sent pain through my body, but I was free. Alex ran down the hallways, trying to avoid the falling parts of the ceiling. I stumbled, cursing myself. Alex picked me up, not slowing down once.

After what seemed to be forever to me, we finally got to the stairs. Alex sent me down, a gentle tap on my back telling me to go. Some of them were missing, but I didn't care, I just wanted to get out of here.

I ran up the stairs, ignoring everything but how close I was to the top. I ran as fast and as far as I could.

I was so close to the top floor...

Almost there.

So fucking close to freedom...

Suddenly a bomb fell on the top stair. I was engulfed in fire, and I screamed as I was thrown back. My body hit the wall on the other side of the stairwell. I felt every torture Ivor had performed on my body in that second, every little injury on my body.

It hurts so bad...

Alex jumped over the railing and covered me with his jacket. The world was fuzzy, and I couldn't understand anything that Alex was saying. I stared at him as he pulled my hair away from my face, feeling myself fade. I fought back as hard as I could, but I'm just so tired.

I don't want to leave him.

"It hurts, Alex, it hurts so bad." Another bomb shook the building, and I closed my eyes, fighting off the darkness.

Alex picked me up, and I stared up at him. Water fell on my face as he turned in a circle looking for a way out. I realized that the water on my face wasn't water, but tears.

Alex's tears.

He said something, and I so badly wanted to hear it. I focused on his voice.

"Audrey, stay, please. We do this together, remember?" Tears leaked out of our eyes as I reached for his face one last time. His beautiful face came into focus, and he gently kissed my wrist. I fought off the darkness, fuelig the fire of life with names.

Alex, Mama, Daddy, James, Levi, Alex, Alex, Alex.

"I- I love you." I gasped."You could have had the world but you chose me." I pushed the words out, hoping against hope that this wasn't goodbye.

No, please, I don't want to die. Not now. Not with Alex here.

Please, I don't want to leave.

Please, I want to live.

Please...