Loving a Dangerous Life (editing)

Chapter 9 - The Uncertainty Of Lust

I sat back in the car, letting out an unsteady breath.

What the hell did I just do?

It's like I lost control of myself- and I wasn't thinking right. 

But it felt so right. 

No matter what I said to myself, I wanted Alex. Even if he drove me wild with anger, I still wanted him.

I couldn't tell by his expression if he wanted me to. I couldn't tell if he thought of me as a slut or a whore or if he actually wanted me. 

The driver turned off the car and got out, opening the door for me. I smiled at him, composing myself quickly.

"It's okay," I squinted at his name tag, trying to read it in the dim light. "Kevin- You can go home," I said. He looked relieved and immediately bowed down to me. I flushed with embarrassment, as I knew that I didn't deserve such respect. Kevin left me, and I sighed, my thoughts going back to Alex. I ran a hand through my hair, no longer caring if I messed up my curls. I dimly noticed that the cut on my legs was burning a bit, but I didn't care.

God, I only care about Alex right now. I wanted him in a way that I've never had the chance to feel. Sure, I've slept with more than my fair share of men, but none of them ever had excited me this much, and none of them were as good as I suspected Alex to be. I rarely got to actually fuck men as most of them barely make it through the night with me. 

Alexander Zane. The man that was driving me crazy with want. The man who I risked my life for, without knowing what was going to happen. It was such a reckless decision, but I’d do it over and over again.

A shadow crossed the door, and I moved my eyes to meet Alex's. He looked flustered, and out of breath, but damn- was he sexy. Tension hung between us as we locked gazes, and the knowledge that something was about to happen seemed to fill us both with excitement.

"So, the house is safe I presume?" I started the conversation, longing to get out of this dress. Alex's hair was slightly messed up, and he had discarded his suit coat in the mansion. He glared down at me, and I leisurely stretched my arms and legs, teasing him slightly and giving my back a much-needed pop. 

Alex quickly looked away from me, his face turning emotionless again. I stepped out of the car, shutting the door behind me. My legs were burning and weak from the cut, causing them to unsteady. My body brushed against his, and my pulse started racing. My leg almost gave out, but Alex grabbed my arm, and suddenly, I was pressed against the car. I gasped at the sudden movement and grabbed Alex's shirt to keep myself from falling. His body fell against mine and pressed me against the car, making my pulse race My back was pressed against the window of the car and Alex's eyes searched my face. His body molded to mine in the perfect way. My breath hitched. 

I had always wondered what people meant when they said that they got butterfly's in their stomachs, but now I knew. 

The only problem was that the butterflies weren't in my stomach, they were everywhere. All over my skin. 

Alex's hands were on my hips, and I could feel each of his fingers. My chest rose and fell with my breath, and I realized that Alex was close enough that I would only have to slightly move to be able to kiss him. I searched his face, wondering what would happen if I did kiss him. His hair fell over his head and tickled my forehead. His brown eyes held that undeniable heat I always saw. I realized that his shirt was tangled in my fingers. I let go and smoothed his shirt out. I felt the hard muscles of his chest under my fingers. 

Suddenly, I wished that I was ripping his shirt off of him, instead of smoothing it out. I cleared my throat, pressing my thigh together just to feel some friction.

"That desperate to touch me?” I asked, out of breath. Alex smirked like he knew exactly what he did to me.

"Sure you didn't drink too much?" He said his voice gruff. I stood up, trying to push the god away from me.

"Positive," I said, trying to get away. The tension was unbearable, and the way he was looking at me was making me hot. I pushed away from him, walking into the house and to my room.

I’m a mess- a turned-on, flustered mess.

And what did not help in the slightest was Alex catching my waist and pressing me up against the hallway wall outside his room. His face hovered near mine as neither of us said anything. The heels that I was wearing made me almost as tall as him, but somehow I still had to look up at those teasing blue eyes.  

This was the third time in one day I had thought about kissing him. My head was spinning. 

"You know what?" I exhaled, hard, deciding to throw all my common sense out the window. Alex arched an eyebrow and cocked his head to the side, clearly waiting for me to continue. "No one is going to remember me, and I only live once," I said, my voice unsteady. I finally just let the emotions on my face show. "So," I grabbed Alex's face and brought it close to mine. His body was pressed against mine, and I let down all my walls. I ignored the rules and brought my mouth close to his. 

"So fuck it." He said, finishing my sentence. My lips parted in surprise, but before I could say anything he kissed me- hard. His lips pressed to mine- feeling like fire and rain. It was heaven.

My body immediately responded. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back. My hands slipped into his hair, and his hands pressed my body to him. His hands traveled down my body, tracing me. I slipped my hands down to the hem of his shirt, letting my fingers slide under his shirt and explore his very toned chest and abs. He lifted me up slightly, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. I groaned slightly. My back was pressed against the wall, and Alex held my thighs. I felt the tension melt from my body as he kissed me, teased me with his soft lips. 

Alex's handed traced my thighs and my ass, and I held his face as I kissed him. I had always wanted to touch his hair, and now, I got to. The kiss deepened, and Alex bit my lip slightly. I groaned. I broke away from the kiss, gasping for air. I looked at Alex. His eyes were dark with lust, and his hair was messed up perfectly. I leaned close to his ear, breathing heavily

"I was going to say that." I whinnied. He chuckled. Alex set me down but kept his arms around me, and it was a good thing he did because my legs were shaking, and I would have fallen over. I placed my hand on Alex's chest. His heart was racing, beating in sync with mine. We just looked at each other.

I was terrified of what he thought of me now. Would he see me as a slut? Would he think that I was just throwing myself at him because I want a good fuck?

I dismissed the thoughts. I no longer wanted to worry about shit like that. I wanted to live in this moment, with Alex.

My hands fell to his waist, and I felt something hard- cold. I reached down to his hip and grabbed his gun. I pulled it out, and he smirked. I held the gun up and smiled at him. He raised an eyebrow. I pulled the safety off, and both his eyebrows rose. He whistled. I smirked and pushed past him, going into my room. I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was messy, and my cheeks were glowing. I held Alex's gun up and looked at it. I felt dangerous. Nothing had ever made me feel dangerous before. 

Nothing had ever made me feel before.